I haven't been on in quite a while. Why? Well, basically because I'm not much of a blogger - I don't think my life is that interesting.
This will be the last post for "Darren & Kate" -- as 2011 drew to an end, so did our marriage. I'm not going to go into any of the yucky details here. If you'd like to know what happened, feel free to ask. I will answer as best I can - in a private e-mail or phone call or personal visit, if you'd like.
It was not an easy decision, but one that had to be made for the sake of all concerned. I may start a new blog - I don't know. If I do, I'll post that information on my facebook page. If you're not one of my "friends" there, you can find me by looking for Katherine L. Maher. Send a request or message there and I'll be happy to respond.
Wishing you all the blessings, peace and happiness in 2012
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Planes, boats & automobiles
School is out, summer is here. Finally!
The kids finished school a few days before I could get time off of work. So, as a surprise, I planned to have my dad fly in and spend the week with the kids so they wouldn't be home alone while Darren and I were at work. Dad couldn't come as soon as I'd hoped, so the kids did have one day they spent a part of at home. Dad flew in on Thursday.
Saturday we went to the coast. First we went up to Karl's house to celebrate his birthday. Dad and Darren later went fishing and to the casino for a bit while the kids and I stayed and visited and played cards. At the end of the day Emi & Aaron wanted to stay and play with KJ and Patrick wanted to hang out with Leo. Darren, dad and I went on in to Lincoln City, had a fabulous dinner at Mo's then went on to the hotel room we'd rented.
Sunday morning, Father's Day, we went to breakfast at Pig'n Pancake. Odd name, but the food was pretty good. Darren had a blueberry waffle & I had strawberry crepes. We were going to split it. We each ate half, then traded plates. Darren took a few bites of the crepes and asked for his waffle back. As yummy as the crepes were, I really didn't want to give him back his waffle. It was REALLY good :) Then we went to Devil's Lake. I had rented a small boat for a day of fishing. It kept wanting to rain a bit. After an hour or two, Patrick called and was ready to meet up with us. He has spent the night with Leo & Becky and they were on their way to church. After a bit more fishing we went to lunch at the casino. It was pretty good food and the price was even better. Patrick & Dad went back out on the boat while Darren and I went up to Karl's to get Aaron & Emileigh. It was raining but Dad, Patrick and Aaron went back out in the boat to enjoy some more fishing. So I dropped Darren off back at the casino and Emi and I went to the outlet mall for a little shopping. I got a couple gifts for Sara and a gift for my dad for father's day (besides the day of fishing that he'd asked for). After an hour or so we were totally done with shopping, dad was ready to call it a day and Darren was done at the casino.
We stopped for an ice cream cone and headed back to Salem.
Monday I tied up a few loose ends at work and made arrangements for the rental car. Then I got the house picked up and the kids and I got things packed up and ready for the trip to Idaho. Time to send them off for their summer visit with their dad. One of the most difficult times of the year.
Tuesday I got up bright and early. Dad and I went to get the rental car. We got back to the house and started loading up. We left only 1/2 hour later than I'd planned. For those of you who know me at all, that is an amazing start!
The drive was long but uneventful. We stopped more than I usually do so that dad could get out and walk around. He is still retaining a lot of fluids so needed to keep his blood flowing and move around to keep from getting too much swelling in his legs and feet.
We finally made it. The trip took about 4 hours longer than usual, but all in all, it was an easy drive. As much as I enjoy Oregon, I must say, it does feel nice to be back home.
The kids finished school a few days before I could get time off of work. So, as a surprise, I planned to have my dad fly in and spend the week with the kids so they wouldn't be home alone while Darren and I were at work. Dad couldn't come as soon as I'd hoped, so the kids did have one day they spent a part of at home. Dad flew in on Thursday.
Saturday we went to the coast. First we went up to Karl's house to celebrate his birthday. Dad and Darren later went fishing and to the casino for a bit while the kids and I stayed and visited and played cards. At the end of the day Emi & Aaron wanted to stay and play with KJ and Patrick wanted to hang out with Leo. Darren, dad and I went on in to Lincoln City, had a fabulous dinner at Mo's then went on to the hotel room we'd rented.
Sunday morning, Father's Day, we went to breakfast at Pig'n Pancake. Odd name, but the food was pretty good. Darren had a blueberry waffle & I had strawberry crepes. We were going to split it. We each ate half, then traded plates. Darren took a few bites of the crepes and asked for his waffle back. As yummy as the crepes were, I really didn't want to give him back his waffle. It was REALLY good :) Then we went to Devil's Lake. I had rented a small boat for a day of fishing. It kept wanting to rain a bit. After an hour or two, Patrick called and was ready to meet up with us. He has spent the night with Leo & Becky and they were on their way to church. After a bit more fishing we went to lunch at the casino. It was pretty good food and the price was even better. Patrick & Dad went back out on the boat while Darren and I went up to Karl's to get Aaron & Emileigh. It was raining but Dad, Patrick and Aaron went back out in the boat to enjoy some more fishing. So I dropped Darren off back at the casino and Emi and I went to the outlet mall for a little shopping. I got a couple gifts for Sara and a gift for my dad for father's day (besides the day of fishing that he'd asked for). After an hour or so we were totally done with shopping, dad was ready to call it a day and Darren was done at the casino.
We stopped for an ice cream cone and headed back to Salem.
Monday I tied up a few loose ends at work and made arrangements for the rental car. Then I got the house picked up and the kids and I got things packed up and ready for the trip to Idaho. Time to send them off for their summer visit with their dad. One of the most difficult times of the year.
Tuesday I got up bright and early. Dad and I went to get the rental car. We got back to the house and started loading up. We left only 1/2 hour later than I'd planned. For those of you who know me at all, that is an amazing start!
The drive was long but uneventful. We stopped more than I usually do so that dad could get out and walk around. He is still retaining a lot of fluids so needed to keep his blood flowing and move around to keep from getting too much swelling in his legs and feet.
We finally made it. The trip took about 4 hours longer than usual, but all in all, it was an easy drive. As much as I enjoy Oregon, I must say, it does feel nice to be back home.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Patience is not my virtue
Wow! I can't believe that Darren and I have been together for over six years now, and married for two. It's crazy how sometimes life seems to just fly so quickly in some ways and yet crawl like a snail in others. Darren and I have been through so much together that it feels like we've already lived a lifetime together. I have a difficult time remembering what it was like before he came into my life. Then there are those days when things feel so fresh and new, like we just met. Time is so very fickle in it's presentation.
My wonderful niece is about to have a baby...any day...her due date is today but baby is not cooperating. In this case, time is not being very kind. You see, I am on a bit of a schedule. I really can't take a ton of time off of work, so I am very anxious for this baby to come. Don't get me wrong, I will stay until baby comes, it's just I want to be able to spend as much time with baby and helping her as I can. Also, I can't wait to just be there for her, to share the experience of becoming a mother with her, to see her face when she sees her very own child for the first time, when she holds her precious gift close to her heart, the same way her mother held her. I also, selfishly, can't wait to hold this child, myself. This new life in our family, this new gift of joy.
I know babies come when babies are ready. I know it won't "stay inside" forever. But just as it seems the six years since I met my husband have flown by like a dream, it seems this baby is enjoying making us wait. And, as I said in the beginning, patience is not my virtue.
My wonderful niece is about to have a baby...any day...her due date is today but baby is not cooperating. In this case, time is not being very kind. You see, I am on a bit of a schedule. I really can't take a ton of time off of work, so I am very anxious for this baby to come. Don't get me wrong, I will stay until baby comes, it's just I want to be able to spend as much time with baby and helping her as I can. Also, I can't wait to just be there for her, to share the experience of becoming a mother with her, to see her face when she sees her very own child for the first time, when she holds her precious gift close to her heart, the same way her mother held her. I also, selfishly, can't wait to hold this child, myself. This new life in our family, this new gift of joy.
I know babies come when babies are ready. I know it won't "stay inside" forever. But just as it seems the six years since I met my husband have flown by like a dream, it seems this baby is enjoying making us wait. And, as I said in the beginning, patience is not my virtue.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
you may have noticed...
...that I've had my blog on private. I had thought everyone who was interested in my blog was already on the reading list...until a couple of friends sent me a message asking for permission to read it.
So, I've opened it back up long enough for this post. If you are not on the reading list, and you'd like to be, please let me know. This goes for ANYONE - as long as I at least recognize your name or family connection, you are welcome here :) I know, for myself, there are a few blogs that I read that the author probably has never heard of me, but they are family of my husband...so I read them to keep him up to date on what's going on with his family; aunts, uncles, cousins, children and so on. I figure, since I have made myself welcome to read about you, I will welcome you to read about me. Although, for the life of me, I don't understand why you'd want to ;o)
This blog will be left open for a week or so. (maybe longer since I am clearly not such a faithful blogger). Then I will be going back to private.
So, I've opened it back up long enough for this post. If you are not on the reading list, and you'd like to be, please let me know. This goes for ANYONE - as long as I at least recognize your name or family connection, you are welcome here :) I know, for myself, there are a few blogs that I read that the author probably has never heard of me, but they are family of my husband...so I read them to keep him up to date on what's going on with his family; aunts, uncles, cousins, children and so on. I figure, since I have made myself welcome to read about you, I will welcome you to read about me. Although, for the life of me, I don't understand why you'd want to ;o)
This blog will be left open for a week or so. (maybe longer since I am clearly not such a faithful blogger). Then I will be going back to private.
Monday, June 7, 2010
A long time coming
So... where did I leave off? Who knows...
I have the most amazing children! The do so many chores, and usually without complaint. We were having a bbq with tons of family coming over and they cleaned and cleaned and cleaned... not just the regular stuff, but they helped dust, wash finger prints off the walls, winter yuk off of the windows, swept the driveway (where the party was going to be) and so much more! They are the greatest helpers a mom could ask for!
Let's see... since February.... Darren & Emi have each had birthdays. For Darren's we had a bbq and invited his family over. All of his brothers came, his dad and his wife, a brother-in-law, a couple nephews, cousins and, to our surprise, Karl & Kim (Darren's uncle and aunt) were able to make it, too! The weather cooperated and I believe everyone had a really nice time visiting and eating.
The following weekend Emi had her birthday party. The weather did not cooperate for her. It was chilly and rainy. She had a few friends over and they played twister, sang with her karoake machine and just had giggly girl time. Aaron stayed at a cousin's house, but poor Patrick was stuck home -- he wasn't crazy about that, but... Emi had a nice birthday celebration :)
For Memorial Day weekend we had our very first ever family vacation. Now, that's not to say we haven't done stuff as a family because we have. We've been camping and taken road trips, seen sights and so on. But this was our first vacation-type trip. It didn't start off so great. It took longer to get things ready than we thought. We borrowed Leo & Becky's motor-home and drove to Ashland for a field target tournament. Then, when we were almost there we ended up having to call for a "jump or a tow". (Thank goodness for AAA - a WHOLE other story). They were able to jump us and followed us to a AAA approved shop to check out what the problem was. Turned out to be a broken serpentine belt. They were going to charge us nearly $150. But since Darren is such a handy guy, we simply bought the belt for the $40 and the guy gave us another jump, we pulled to the lot next door and Darren changed the belt, himself. Then we were on our way again. While in Ashland we found a park that we all played in and then we went to the range. We camped there. The boys all shot and Emi and I enjoyed the peaceful area -- reading, playing games, watching the match, and just relaxing.
Then we took the long way home, stopping at Diamond Lake to spend a night and day. We cooked over a camp-fire, the boys fished and we, again, enjoyed games and just being outside. On the rest of the drive home we stopped a couple times to fish, but the weather wasn't being cooperative, so no fish for us. It was a GREAT weekend. The boys had SO much fun, which made it wonderful for me and Emi and I had some wonderful mom-daughter time.
Let's see... what else.... well... my health has been...uuummm... not quite right. Docs keep saying nothing is wrong, but it is clear something is (or was -- the problem seems to have cured itself for the time being) -- and it was causing me lots of stress. The medication they put me on made me really moody and I felt like I was going crazy! I am not a control freak, but, when it comes to myself, I HAVE to be in control of me! It scares me to death and makes me quite anxious when I feel out of control of myself. Anyway, I quit taking the medication since it wasn't doing anything anyway. Since then (it's been a week or so) I feel SO much better! Still nervous about what's going on and having to decide if surgery is the right answer, and if so, which one (they are giving me a couple options) -- but for now I think everything is back to "normal" so I'm not going to stress over it.
A 13 year old school mate and friend of Patrick and one of our nephews died a couple weeks ago. "They" are not saying if it was an accident or an "accident-on-purpose", but either way, the boy took his own life. It hit the kids VERY hard. And it hit me hard, too. At the memorial one of the teachers said the boy didn't think he had any friends, but there were SO many kids there to remember him, so many cards and posters and sentiments for the family. The boy was having such a hard time and didn't realize how many people cared about him. That is SO sad to me. How, not only someone can feel that alone and helpless (because I have felt it myself, recently), but for them to not realize how many lives they affect, how many lives they touch each and every day. I mean, I never even met the boy, but he touched both me and my family. I know what it feels like to want to just curl up in a ball and die. But I also realize that my children and my family would be devastated if that were to happen - and that is what keeps me going. But for a 13 year old child... How do you reach them? How do you make them listen and hear that it REALLY isn't that bad -- life is that hard for everyone at that age... how do you make them realize that drugs, dropping out of school, gangs, and even taking your own life -- all of those things aren't worth it... that they will get older and look back and realize it was normal to feel the way they were feeling and that many, many, many other children feel the same way. That they are not alone... how do you make them see? It is so sad. It makes me remember to love my children harder, scold them softer and open my eyes and ears wider...
The school year is winding down. Patrick & Emi are preparing for their final band concert. My dad is going to come for a visit after school is out (shhh... the kids don't know -- we are surprising them) to stay with the kids while I work, before we head to Idaho. The kids are getting antsy... they want to go to Idaho to see family and friends, but aren't crazy about the idea of having to spend the entire summer with their dad. Things around home start getting tense, the kids bicker more, complain more and over-all have a hard time. I don't even think they know or understand their feelings. I've figured it out because the pattern is so clear -- everything is fine until 2 or 3 weeks before a visit -- but once they are there, it is usually ok, for the most part and they have a fairly, reasonably good time; all things considered.
I am excited for the trip to Idaho. Besides getting to see my family and friends that I miss so much, I get to be there when my niece has her first baby (it better be on time! :D ) and we get to do all the fun wedding planning/shopping/baby stuff. I am going to be a "gramish"! You know, a grandma-ish ... my sister passed away as did my mom (like you didn't know that) and I had always promised my sister I'd take care of the kids if anything ever happened to her -- so now I am my niece's "mom-ish" so when the baby comes I get to be a "gramish" :D I can't tell you how excited I am! I know I have step-grandchildren, but it's just not the same. For one thing, it is unlikely that I will ever get to even meet any of them, and even if I did, they live so very, very far away, I wouldn't likely get to know them. My niece's baby, on the other hand.... well... let's just say I can't wait!
Yesterday Patrick & Emi had their first official Holy Communion. They have been working hard over the past several weeks to complete the First Communion Class. They had homework to do and thing to memorize and recite (or write out - which ever they chose). Their hard work paid off and they both passed the class along with 1 other boy. The class started with 5 and only 3 finished. Anyway, they have completed that milestone at church. This fall Patrick will start Confirmation class. He will learn a lot and I'm sure he'll enjoy it. I'm not sure if Emi will be taking that class with him or if she has to wait a year. I'm not going to worry about it right now since it doesn't start until the fall and they are getting ready for their summer in Idaho.
Today is our 2 wedding anniversary and this week is our 6 year together anniversary. I can't believe how time flies. When Darren and I met I never thought this is where we'd be. Heck, when we first met the only thing I was interested in was a date. I didn't even want a boyfriend. I just wanted some adult distraction -- someone to watch movies with, go out to eat... just generic, casual, platonic, innocent, friend, date kind of thing. An adult to hang out with during the times that my kids were with their dad so I didn't have to spend so much time alone - 30 miles from anywhere. And here we are - 6 years later, married and happy. Actually happy. I never thought it would happen. After so much bad luck, I had figured it was just a fantasy in my mind, never to be a reality for me. Boy was I wrong.
I'm not saying we haven't had our ups and downs, because we have. The road has often been rocky, with giant sink holes and boulders in the way. But, so far, we have conquered all the challenges and made our way around the road-blocks. Sometimes we pull against each other, but somehow we always end up leaning on one another and we make it through; getting stronger all the time.
So...that's about it. Nothing exciting. Just an ordinary life. Until next time...
Don't take a single second for granted...
I have the most amazing children! The do so many chores, and usually without complaint. We were having a bbq with tons of family coming over and they cleaned and cleaned and cleaned... not just the regular stuff, but they helped dust, wash finger prints off the walls, winter yuk off of the windows, swept the driveway (where the party was going to be) and so much more! They are the greatest helpers a mom could ask for!
Let's see... since February.... Darren & Emi have each had birthdays. For Darren's we had a bbq and invited his family over. All of his brothers came, his dad and his wife, a brother-in-law, a couple nephews, cousins and, to our surprise, Karl & Kim (Darren's uncle and aunt) were able to make it, too! The weather cooperated and I believe everyone had a really nice time visiting and eating.
The following weekend Emi had her birthday party. The weather did not cooperate for her. It was chilly and rainy. She had a few friends over and they played twister, sang with her karoake machine and just had giggly girl time. Aaron stayed at a cousin's house, but poor Patrick was stuck home -- he wasn't crazy about that, but... Emi had a nice birthday celebration :)
For Memorial Day weekend we had our very first ever family vacation. Now, that's not to say we haven't done stuff as a family because we have. We've been camping and taken road trips, seen sights and so on. But this was our first vacation-type trip. It didn't start off so great. It took longer to get things ready than we thought. We borrowed Leo & Becky's motor-home and drove to Ashland for a field target tournament. Then, when we were almost there we ended up having to call for a "jump or a tow". (Thank goodness for AAA - a WHOLE other story). They were able to jump us and followed us to a AAA approved shop to check out what the problem was. Turned out to be a broken serpentine belt. They were going to charge us nearly $150. But since Darren is such a handy guy, we simply bought the belt for the $40 and the guy gave us another jump, we pulled to the lot next door and Darren changed the belt, himself. Then we were on our way again. While in Ashland we found a park that we all played in and then we went to the range. We camped there. The boys all shot and Emi and I enjoyed the peaceful area -- reading, playing games, watching the match, and just relaxing.
Then we took the long way home, stopping at Diamond Lake to spend a night and day. We cooked over a camp-fire, the boys fished and we, again, enjoyed games and just being outside. On the rest of the drive home we stopped a couple times to fish, but the weather wasn't being cooperative, so no fish for us. It was a GREAT weekend. The boys had SO much fun, which made it wonderful for me and Emi and I had some wonderful mom-daughter time.
Let's see... what else.... well... my health has been...uuummm... not quite right. Docs keep saying nothing is wrong, but it is clear something is (or was -- the problem seems to have cured itself for the time being) -- and it was causing me lots of stress. The medication they put me on made me really moody and I felt like I was going crazy! I am not a control freak, but, when it comes to myself, I HAVE to be in control of me! It scares me to death and makes me quite anxious when I feel out of control of myself. Anyway, I quit taking the medication since it wasn't doing anything anyway. Since then (it's been a week or so) I feel SO much better! Still nervous about what's going on and having to decide if surgery is the right answer, and if so, which one (they are giving me a couple options) -- but for now I think everything is back to "normal" so I'm not going to stress over it.
A 13 year old school mate and friend of Patrick and one of our nephews died a couple weeks ago. "They" are not saying if it was an accident or an "accident-on-purpose", but either way, the boy took his own life. It hit the kids VERY hard. And it hit me hard, too. At the memorial one of the teachers said the boy didn't think he had any friends, but there were SO many kids there to remember him, so many cards and posters and sentiments for the family. The boy was having such a hard time and didn't realize how many people cared about him. That is SO sad to me. How, not only someone can feel that alone and helpless (because I have felt it myself, recently), but for them to not realize how many lives they affect, how many lives they touch each and every day. I mean, I never even met the boy, but he touched both me and my family. I know what it feels like to want to just curl up in a ball and die. But I also realize that my children and my family would be devastated if that were to happen - and that is what keeps me going. But for a 13 year old child... How do you reach them? How do you make them listen and hear that it REALLY isn't that bad -- life is that hard for everyone at that age... how do you make them realize that drugs, dropping out of school, gangs, and even taking your own life -- all of those things aren't worth it... that they will get older and look back and realize it was normal to feel the way they were feeling and that many, many, many other children feel the same way. That they are not alone... how do you make them see? It is so sad. It makes me remember to love my children harder, scold them softer and open my eyes and ears wider...
The school year is winding down. Patrick & Emi are preparing for their final band concert. My dad is going to come for a visit after school is out (shhh... the kids don't know -- we are surprising them) to stay with the kids while I work, before we head to Idaho. The kids are getting antsy... they want to go to Idaho to see family and friends, but aren't crazy about the idea of having to spend the entire summer with their dad. Things around home start getting tense, the kids bicker more, complain more and over-all have a hard time. I don't even think they know or understand their feelings. I've figured it out because the pattern is so clear -- everything is fine until 2 or 3 weeks before a visit -- but once they are there, it is usually ok, for the most part and they have a fairly, reasonably good time; all things considered.
I am excited for the trip to Idaho. Besides getting to see my family and friends that I miss so much, I get to be there when my niece has her first baby (it better be on time! :D ) and we get to do all the fun wedding planning/shopping/baby stuff. I am going to be a "gramish"! You know, a grandma-ish ... my sister passed away as did my mom (like you didn't know that) and I had always promised my sister I'd take care of the kids if anything ever happened to her -- so now I am my niece's "mom-ish" so when the baby comes I get to be a "gramish" :D I can't tell you how excited I am! I know I have step-grandchildren, but it's just not the same. For one thing, it is unlikely that I will ever get to even meet any of them, and even if I did, they live so very, very far away, I wouldn't likely get to know them. My niece's baby, on the other hand.... well... let's just say I can't wait!
Yesterday Patrick & Emi had their first official Holy Communion. They have been working hard over the past several weeks to complete the First Communion Class. They had homework to do and thing to memorize and recite (or write out - which ever they chose). Their hard work paid off and they both passed the class along with 1 other boy. The class started with 5 and only 3 finished. Anyway, they have completed that milestone at church. This fall Patrick will start Confirmation class. He will learn a lot and I'm sure he'll enjoy it. I'm not sure if Emi will be taking that class with him or if she has to wait a year. I'm not going to worry about it right now since it doesn't start until the fall and they are getting ready for their summer in Idaho.
Today is our 2 wedding anniversary and this week is our 6 year together anniversary. I can't believe how time flies. When Darren and I met I never thought this is where we'd be. Heck, when we first met the only thing I was interested in was a date. I didn't even want a boyfriend. I just wanted some adult distraction -- someone to watch movies with, go out to eat... just generic, casual, platonic, innocent, friend, date kind of thing. An adult to hang out with during the times that my kids were with their dad so I didn't have to spend so much time alone - 30 miles from anywhere. And here we are - 6 years later, married and happy. Actually happy. I never thought it would happen. After so much bad luck, I had figured it was just a fantasy in my mind, never to be a reality for me. Boy was I wrong.
I'm not saying we haven't had our ups and downs, because we have. The road has often been rocky, with giant sink holes and boulders in the way. But, so far, we have conquered all the challenges and made our way around the road-blocks. Sometimes we pull against each other, but somehow we always end up leaning on one another and we make it through; getting stronger all the time.
So...that's about it. Nothing exciting. Just an ordinary life. Until next time...
Don't take a single second for granted...
Friday, May 21, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
Foreboding February
February used to be a month that I looked forward to, with all of the hope and promise of the new life spring would bring after the long winter sleep. More recently, though, it has held more sadness, loneliness and longing.
While at my dad's house helping him during his most recent return home from the hospital, I found a poem. I do not remember where we got it, but reading brought forth many bitter-sweet memories. I hope it speaks to your heart, as well.
For My Mama
"Don't worry about the little things"
My Mama used to say.
"The Spirit's on your shoulder
And He'll show you the way."
"Ask the Lord for guidance
He'll surely get you through
No matter what the trial
He's always there with you."
"So lighten up your step, dear,
There's no need for heavy heart
And if you do your very best
God always does His part."
How I miss my darling Mama
But I thank God every day
For the many years He blessed me
With the things she had to say.
My mom had so many little sayings. Some she got from her own mother and others, I suppose, were just her own. I hear her voice sometimes when I say some of those things to my own children; "clean the corners and the middle will take care of itself", "if it's not yours, don't touch it", "if you don't want something to happen (good or bad) don't put yourself in the position where it will", and my favorite, "God will take care of it. He always does".
Each year, February had been a month of anticipation. The snow was melting, the weather was getting warmer, money didn't seem to be quite so tight. And, it was mom's birthday. The first birthday celebration of the year! Then 2004 happened. We found mom was very sick and then, all of a sudden, she was gone. Shortly after that my dad had a heart attack and ended up in the hospital. The following February he had quadruple bypass surgery. Spring no longer held the promise of new life, but had more of a tension, trying to hold on to the life that seemed to be slipping away.
Then, for a time, life found a new pace. Not the light one of the past, but a steady, determined pace. Life seemed to be finding an upward track. There were some tragedies and some delights. Then February 2010 was upon us. By the end of January dad was not doing well again. In February he ended up back in the hospital.
The bypass surgery he had done in 2005 had to be done over. When the doctors performed the surgery they found they were only able to do a single bypass, not the 4 he needed. He also had emphysema and one lung was attached to his heart. After the surgery he developed congestive heart failure, and later, pneumonia. He has been in and out of the hospital ever since.
I have been praying every day. One of the many things my mom taught me, and another of her sayings was to "be careful what you ask for. You just might get it". She taught me to pray carefully. To talk with God, to tell him what was on my heart, but to always end with "thy will be done". She also always said to make sure to ask for the strength to accept the answer if His will would be difficult to bear, and to have a heart of praise and thanksgiving, either way, because in the end He knew what was best and it would be a blessing to us even if we didn't see it right away.
Since February life has been full of challenges, more than usual. But each day I pray that my dad will get better if that is God's will. Although it has been an up and down roller coaster ride, he does seem to be improving, three steps forward, two steps back. Spring is on it's way. The sun is shining more, flowers are blooming. There are more sunny, warm days than cold, dark days. My heart is, again, full of hope and anticipation.
My mom used to frequently say, "be thankful for what you have and don't worry about what you don't". So, as another foreboding February becomes history, I will be thankful for my many blessings. I have 3 children who are respectful, smart, talented and normal human beings, I have a husband that loves me faults and all, I have family who accepts me just as I am, I friends who enjoy my company and I enjoy theirs (even though they are all several hundred miles away), a job, a place to lay my head, food on my table, and my father is still alive and healing a little bit more each day. And if dad's room in God's mansion is ready for him more sooner than later, I will be thankful for the many years I was confused and frustrated and angered and blessed and comforted by the things my daddy had to say...
And I know I will be ok, because "God never gives us more than we can handle".
While at my dad's house helping him during his most recent return home from the hospital, I found a poem. I do not remember where we got it, but reading brought forth many bitter-sweet memories. I hope it speaks to your heart, as well.
For My Mama
"Don't worry about the little things"
My Mama used to say.
"The Spirit's on your shoulder
And He'll show you the way."
"Ask the Lord for guidance
He'll surely get you through
No matter what the trial
He's always there with you."
"So lighten up your step, dear,
There's no need for heavy heart
And if you do your very best
God always does His part."
How I miss my darling Mama
But I thank God every day
For the many years He blessed me
With the things she had to say.
My mom had so many little sayings. Some she got from her own mother and others, I suppose, were just her own. I hear her voice sometimes when I say some of those things to my own children; "clean the corners and the middle will take care of itself", "if it's not yours, don't touch it", "if you don't want something to happen (good or bad) don't put yourself in the position where it will", and my favorite, "God will take care of it. He always does".
Each year, February had been a month of anticipation. The snow was melting, the weather was getting warmer, money didn't seem to be quite so tight. And, it was mom's birthday. The first birthday celebration of the year! Then 2004 happened. We found mom was very sick and then, all of a sudden, she was gone. Shortly after that my dad had a heart attack and ended up in the hospital. The following February he had quadruple bypass surgery. Spring no longer held the promise of new life, but had more of a tension, trying to hold on to the life that seemed to be slipping away.
Then, for a time, life found a new pace. Not the light one of the past, but a steady, determined pace. Life seemed to be finding an upward track. There were some tragedies and some delights. Then February 2010 was upon us. By the end of January dad was not doing well again. In February he ended up back in the hospital.
The bypass surgery he had done in 2005 had to be done over. When the doctors performed the surgery they found they were only able to do a single bypass, not the 4 he needed. He also had emphysema and one lung was attached to his heart. After the surgery he developed congestive heart failure, and later, pneumonia. He has been in and out of the hospital ever since.
I have been praying every day. One of the many things my mom taught me, and another of her sayings was to "be careful what you ask for. You just might get it". She taught me to pray carefully. To talk with God, to tell him what was on my heart, but to always end with "thy will be done". She also always said to make sure to ask for the strength to accept the answer if His will would be difficult to bear, and to have a heart of praise and thanksgiving, either way, because in the end He knew what was best and it would be a blessing to us even if we didn't see it right away.
Since February life has been full of challenges, more than usual. But each day I pray that my dad will get better if that is God's will. Although it has been an up and down roller coaster ride, he does seem to be improving, three steps forward, two steps back. Spring is on it's way. The sun is shining more, flowers are blooming. There are more sunny, warm days than cold, dark days. My heart is, again, full of hope and anticipation.
My mom used to frequently say, "be thankful for what you have and don't worry about what you don't". So, as another foreboding February becomes history, I will be thankful for my many blessings. I have 3 children who are respectful, smart, talented and normal human beings, I have a husband that loves me faults and all, I have family who accepts me just as I am, I friends who enjoy my company and I enjoy theirs (even though they are all several hundred miles away), a job, a place to lay my head, food on my table, and my father is still alive and healing a little bit more each day. And if dad's room in God's mansion is ready for him more sooner than later, I will be thankful for the many years I was confused and frustrated and angered and blessed and comforted by the things my daddy had to say...
And I know I will be ok, because "God never gives us more than we can handle".
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Some times are more tragic than others...
I had intended that my next post (which would be this one) be more of a happy one, but I couldn't find the pictures I wanted to include, so I procrastinated. You guessed it, I am the QUEEN of procrastination - I even have a crown to prove it :D Anyway, because of my procrastination things have changed and my happy post is postponed.
As you may or may not know, I lost my mama to cancer in February 2004, just 5 days before her 62nd birthday. I'm sure I mentioned before that we had her "celebration of life" on her birthday, complete with cake and her favorite music. In February of 2005 my dad suffered major heart difficulty and ended up having quad-bypass surgery. Since then he has had various, somewhat minor health problems that, to date, have been able to be treated. One of the bigger problems was pain and lack of circulation in his legs. One of the complications from this was that he was unable to get around very well. He had trouble getting his groceries, walking and due to cramps, even sleeping through the night was a major challenge. The doctors were able to finally remedy this with a surgery that put an electronic device in his back that sends electrical impulses to his nerves to relieve the pain. Since that time he has seemed to be improving daily. He's been able to do nearly all of his own shopping and work throughout the day virtually pain free. Things were really looking up and we were planning for him to come visit again over President's day weekend and go fishing, as we did last year. We were all looking forward to it, especially since Dad would be able to actually stand and enjoy the fishing this year. Last year was hard because his legs kept cramping up.
But Murphy's law won out, again. Last weekend Dad started having chest pains and late Sunday night he drove himself to the hospital. He'd had a heart attack. He'd run out of one of his blood thinners (he's on 2 different ones, among other medications). He figured that since it was so close to the end of the month that it wouldn't be a big deal to go without it for a little bit since he was still taking one. Dad ended up in the hospital for a better part of a week, getting stabilized and having numerous tests to figure out what the problem is. They figured it out. All 4 of the grafts from his quad-bypass are terribly diseased. He needs surgery to repair them. However, due to the various medications he is on, his age and other problems, the risks are very high. The doctor said, "There is a very real risk that he wouldn't make it off the operating table".
They had planned the surgery for first thing yesterday morning. My dad was reluctant. He felt he was being rushed into a decision and things were moving way to fast. In addition, he had clients that he'd made appointments for and with. He had things at work and home that needed done. He also wanted some extra time to get his "affairs in order", just in case. So, the doctors agreed to see if medication alone would help things. They gave him a week. He is to be back at the doctor's office on Monday, Feb 8th to see if the medications are helping and to decide if the risks of the surgery do, indeed, outweigh the risks of not going ahead.
One is never ready to loose a parent or loved one. But, to me, it is especially difficult when your parent is still so full of life. Even with all of the challenges he has faced these last few years, he is still strong. He works full time on the clock and many more hours off the clock, helping his clients. He is still able to safely drive. He makes 2 or 3 trips a year to Oregon to see us, driving himself to Boise (over 250 miles, one way) and gets himself on a plane from there to Portland. He rides his motorcycle. He is 71, but he is not "old". I am not ready to let go. I still need him. My kids need him even more. There are so many people who love him and care about him, depend on him and need him around. If he were old and feeble and wasting away it would be so much easier to accept the fact that this risk is at our door. But when he has so much life and fire left in him, it doesn't even seem real that this is something I will have to consider so soon.
So, I will say my prayers as my mother taught me. "Be careful what you pray for", He always knows what is in your heart and what is best. Simply pray "Thy will be done. Give me the strength of heart to accept Your decision if it is a difficult one and the humility to always remember to give You praise. If things go well, never let me forget that it was also Your will and the glory belongs to You."
There has been a great heaviness in my heart and I don't anticipate it lightening any time soon. It has been good reminder, though, how precious and how fragile life is. I know it is cliche' but this trial has made it ever more clear; don't take a single day for granted. You never know which one will be your last.
I hope that my children and I are able to spend many more springs and summers, falls and winters with their grandfather (Popeye), my daddy. I pray that the Lord will give the doctors knowledge and skill along with the ability to make him well enough that we may enjoy much more time together.
Time and love...the greatest gifts we can give and an even greater gift to receive.
As you may or may not know, I lost my mama to cancer in February 2004, just 5 days before her 62nd birthday. I'm sure I mentioned before that we had her "celebration of life" on her birthday, complete with cake and her favorite music. In February of 2005 my dad suffered major heart difficulty and ended up having quad-bypass surgery. Since then he has had various, somewhat minor health problems that, to date, have been able to be treated. One of the bigger problems was pain and lack of circulation in his legs. One of the complications from this was that he was unable to get around very well. He had trouble getting his groceries, walking and due to cramps, even sleeping through the night was a major challenge. The doctors were able to finally remedy this with a surgery that put an electronic device in his back that sends electrical impulses to his nerves to relieve the pain. Since that time he has seemed to be improving daily. He's been able to do nearly all of his own shopping and work throughout the day virtually pain free. Things were really looking up and we were planning for him to come visit again over President's day weekend and go fishing, as we did last year. We were all looking forward to it, especially since Dad would be able to actually stand and enjoy the fishing this year. Last year was hard because his legs kept cramping up.
But Murphy's law won out, again. Last weekend Dad started having chest pains and late Sunday night he drove himself to the hospital. He'd had a heart attack. He'd run out of one of his blood thinners (he's on 2 different ones, among other medications). He figured that since it was so close to the end of the month that it wouldn't be a big deal to go without it for a little bit since he was still taking one. Dad ended up in the hospital for a better part of a week, getting stabilized and having numerous tests to figure out what the problem is. They figured it out. All 4 of the grafts from his quad-bypass are terribly diseased. He needs surgery to repair them. However, due to the various medications he is on, his age and other problems, the risks are very high. The doctor said, "There is a very real risk that he wouldn't make it off the operating table".
They had planned the surgery for first thing yesterday morning. My dad was reluctant. He felt he was being rushed into a decision and things were moving way to fast. In addition, he had clients that he'd made appointments for and with. He had things at work and home that needed done. He also wanted some extra time to get his "affairs in order", just in case. So, the doctors agreed to see if medication alone would help things. They gave him a week. He is to be back at the doctor's office on Monday, Feb 8th to see if the medications are helping and to decide if the risks of the surgery do, indeed, outweigh the risks of not going ahead.
One is never ready to loose a parent or loved one. But, to me, it is especially difficult when your parent is still so full of life. Even with all of the challenges he has faced these last few years, he is still strong. He works full time on the clock and many more hours off the clock, helping his clients. He is still able to safely drive. He makes 2 or 3 trips a year to Oregon to see us, driving himself to Boise (over 250 miles, one way) and gets himself on a plane from there to Portland. He rides his motorcycle. He is 71, but he is not "old". I am not ready to let go. I still need him. My kids need him even more. There are so many people who love him and care about him, depend on him and need him around. If he were old and feeble and wasting away it would be so much easier to accept the fact that this risk is at our door. But when he has so much life and fire left in him, it doesn't even seem real that this is something I will have to consider so soon.
So, I will say my prayers as my mother taught me. "Be careful what you pray for", He always knows what is in your heart and what is best. Simply pray "Thy will be done. Give me the strength of heart to accept Your decision if it is a difficult one and the humility to always remember to give You praise. If things go well, never let me forget that it was also Your will and the glory belongs to You."
There has been a great heaviness in my heart and I don't anticipate it lightening any time soon. It has been good reminder, though, how precious and how fragile life is. I know it is cliche' but this trial has made it ever more clear; don't take a single day for granted. You never know which one will be your last.
I hope that my children and I are able to spend many more springs and summers, falls and winters with their grandfather (Popeye), my daddy. I pray that the Lord will give the doctors knowledge and skill along with the ability to make him well enough that we may enjoy much more time together.
Time and love...the greatest gifts we can give and an even greater gift to receive.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
I love this crazy, tragic, ...
...sometimes almost magic, awful, beautiful, life.
One of my many favorite lyrics from a song. I mean, there are many songs with many lyrics that are my favorite and this is one of them.
My husband is only a man, my children are just people, my father is merely human, my family is....well, you get the point. But, warts and all, I love them each for exactly who and what they are. Sometimes I don't always like them, but my heart is filled with love and I would, without hesitation, lay down my life for each and every one of them. I failed to mention in my previous blog just how wonderful and thoughtful my husband can be. During the Christmas holiday I was reminded of just why I fell in love with him and why I married him.
For Christmas, Darren's step-mom gave us each a little bit of cash. I guess it's just easier that way, rather than trying to guess what each adult child and their spouse may or may not want for a gift. Anyway, the house in which we now reside has been well lived in, to say the least. The carpet in the family room has an iron burn in the middle of it, the walls need painting, the flooring in the kitchen is cracked and stained, the window casing needs some serious TLC and so on. So, with my Christmas money, I decided to make an improvement to the kitchen.
A while before Christmas Darren and I were in Lowes getting some materials for his business. In the paint aisle I noticed several kinds of specialty paints. A few I had seen before; Rustoleum for outdoor furniture, appliance touch-up paints. But there were a couple that I'd never seen before; Stainless steel, magnetic and COUNTER TOP PAINT! They actually make a paint specifically for laminate counter tops! I said to myself, "Self, if I had some extra money I would SO buy some of that"!
Well, you'll never guess what I used my Christmas money for :) The counter top paint can be tinted in "16 different colors". When you look at the box top for the color options you'll notice that it's really only about 2 colors; various shades of tan and 2 options for blue; one that the picture showed as a blue/green color and the other that was a darker dusty blue color. I chose the darker blue. I was dismayed, however, when the gal mixed the paint and showed me the color. It was more of a grey color and in my opinion, not a very appealing color for my kitchen. I asked her if she could make it bluer. She got a puzzled look on her face and went to find someone else to help her. I didn't think adding more blue would require extra help, but then again, what do I know? (to be honest, I do have training in mixing paint, so I truly was confused at her need for extra help) A few minutes later a young man showed up and started adding more blue to the paint.
Here are some before and after pictures. I am quite pleased with how it all turned out.
Darren and I both masked everything off. Then I painted the first coat and he did the final one.
The work on the kitchen was done while the kids were in Idaho with their dad. I was in a mood that was far from pleasant. I had bought the paint and decided it would be a good distraction to go ahead and get to work. It ended up being more than simply masking off the area and painting. The sink had to be removed. When we did that, we found that there was some serious wood-rot happening. We also ended up having to change the supply lines. All of these things Darren graciously took care of for me. I could have done it myself, however, it would have taken much longer to accomplish and it certainly wouldn't have helped to improve my disposition at the time. I just wanted something nice and Darren helped me to have it.
So... back to the beginning. I have married a wonderful man, who is, after all, just a man... another favorite lyric...(modified for the purposes of this blog) "He's close enough to perfect, for me".
Oh, and by the way -- yes, this is my entire kitchen. I was standing against the refrigerator to get the picture of the left hand side of the sink and against the stove to get the right hand side.
One of my many favorite lyrics from a song. I mean, there are many songs with many lyrics that are my favorite and this is one of them.
My husband is only a man, my children are just people, my father is merely human, my family is....well, you get the point. But, warts and all, I love them each for exactly who and what they are. Sometimes I don't always like them, but my heart is filled with love and I would, without hesitation, lay down my life for each and every one of them. I failed to mention in my previous blog just how wonderful and thoughtful my husband can be. During the Christmas holiday I was reminded of just why I fell in love with him and why I married him.
For Christmas, Darren's step-mom gave us each a little bit of cash. I guess it's just easier that way, rather than trying to guess what each adult child and their spouse may or may not want for a gift. Anyway, the house in which we now reside has been well lived in, to say the least. The carpet in the family room has an iron burn in the middle of it, the walls need painting, the flooring in the kitchen is cracked and stained, the window casing needs some serious TLC and so on. So, with my Christmas money, I decided to make an improvement to the kitchen.
A while before Christmas Darren and I were in Lowes getting some materials for his business. In the paint aisle I noticed several kinds of specialty paints. A few I had seen before; Rustoleum for outdoor furniture, appliance touch-up paints. But there were a couple that I'd never seen before; Stainless steel, magnetic and COUNTER TOP PAINT! They actually make a paint specifically for laminate counter tops! I said to myself, "Self, if I had some extra money I would SO buy some of that"!
Well, you'll never guess what I used my Christmas money for :) The counter top paint can be tinted in "16 different colors". When you look at the box top for the color options you'll notice that it's really only about 2 colors; various shades of tan and 2 options for blue; one that the picture showed as a blue/green color and the other that was a darker dusty blue color. I chose the darker blue. I was dismayed, however, when the gal mixed the paint and showed me the color. It was more of a grey color and in my opinion, not a very appealing color for my kitchen. I asked her if she could make it bluer. She got a puzzled look on her face and went to find someone else to help her. I didn't think adding more blue would require extra help, but then again, what do I know? (to be honest, I do have training in mixing paint, so I truly was confused at her need for extra help) A few minutes later a young man showed up and started adding more blue to the paint.
Here are some before and after pictures. I am quite pleased with how it all turned out.
Darren and I both masked everything off. Then I painted the first coat and he did the final one.
The work on the kitchen was done while the kids were in Idaho with their dad. I was in a mood that was far from pleasant. I had bought the paint and decided it would be a good distraction to go ahead and get to work. It ended up being more than simply masking off the area and painting. The sink had to be removed. When we did that, we found that there was some serious wood-rot happening. We also ended up having to change the supply lines. All of these things Darren graciously took care of for me. I could have done it myself, however, it would have taken much longer to accomplish and it certainly wouldn't have helped to improve my disposition at the time. I just wanted something nice and Darren helped me to have it.
So... back to the beginning. I have married a wonderful man, who is, after all, just a man... another favorite lyric...(modified for the purposes of this blog) "He's close enough to perfect, for me".
Oh, and by the way -- yes, this is my entire kitchen. I was standing against the refrigerator to get the picture of the left hand side of the sink and against the stove to get the right hand side.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
The first week of January is almost over...
...and so far I've done pretty good at not taking things too personally. I have been a bit more moody than usual. I mean, there's usually a couple days a month where the change in wind direction can bring me to tears, but that only lasts a day or two. For some reason, though, I just can't shake this melancholy. This is my first full year in Oregon. I've heard the rain and gloom can have that effect, so maybe that's the explanation.
I have a birthday card that I've had for several weeks but still haven't sent. I'm really struggling with the message to write in it. Sometimes finding the right words to say what's on my mind and getting the true sentiment across is difficult. I think, maybe, because I tend to take things too personally I worry that what I write will be taken offensively when it's not meant that way at all. I'm just not sure how to handle the situation.
I haven't been going to the gym. I thought my membership expired in November, so I quit going. I received a collection call tonight saying I was two months behind on my payments. I explained that I only had a one year membership and that it was over in November. The lady on the phone promptly told me, "No, no, no. You have a TWO year contract and can only cancel if you move 25 or more miles away and there are no other gyms nearby." DANG! So, now I have to pay for 2 months that I didn't even use. I am really not happy about that! But, I guess, now I don't have an excuse. I really did feel better when I was going regularly. However, I have this guilt issue that prevents me from going before 8pm. And to tell the truth, by that time of night all I really want to do is put up my feet and rest.
My day usually starts at about 6:30am. I get Patrick and Emi up and ready, breakfast and all, then drive them to school by 7:15. Then I do the same thing with Aaron and myself, getting him on the bus by 8:15am, then me to the office by 8:30. Work is a circus in itself. I'm off at around 4, then I pick Patrick up from wrestling practice and make my way home. I walk in the door and immediately start dinner. We eat between 5:30 and 6:30, depending on how long it takes to get dinner made and on the table. After that it is clean up and help the kids with any homework they didn't get done while I was making dinner. Then, in a flash, it seems, it is 7:30 and time to start getting ready for bed. Don't get me wrong, the kids are all old enough to get themselves ready, but it seems that bed time is the time that they remember to give me a note from school, have some important thing they need to talk about, or they just simply want to sit for a minute and have quite, cuddle time. The boys need to have their teeth checked before bed. Aaron, because I just like to make sure he does a good job. He tends to brush pretty fast and sometimes doesn't get all the "sugar bugs" off. Patrick, well, he has braces and an extremely tight bottom lip, so he has me check his teeth to make sure he got all the yuk off from around his braces. Oh, they joys of mother-hood and boys :D Anyway, the point is, I seem to be going non-stop from 6:30am - 8:00pm. Making myself change my clothes, get in the car and drive clear across town is a difficult task. However, I do know it is something I REALLY need to make myself do.
Speaking of being busy -- today is now the 15th of January. I started this blog more than a week ago...need I say more?
I found out what has been causing part of my moodiness. The problem seems to be correcting itself, but it is difficult to deal with, emotionally. At least it's not sending me to the emergency room this time.
Santa was pretty good to the kids. They didn't get much, but they each got the one gift that they really wanted. Patrick wanted a Nintendo DS. That is a gift that was WAY out of Santa's price range. However, Santa was able to find one at Game Stop for about half of the regular price. Emi said, "I want a karaoke machine, but I know I won't get one". Well, she did. And Aaron wanted his own video game. He got a hunting game. It is the kind that you plug into the TV and then it has a rifle that you shoot at the deer or whatever on the screen.
Aaron's birthday is in January. That is always nice because I can get him really cool gifts for about 75% off at the after-Christmas sales. This year he wanted a Nerf War party at home. We invited his cousins and a friend from church over. They all had Nerf guns and spent about 3 hours "shooting" each other inside and outside. The weather cooperated, so happily for me most of the war was outside. When I asked him what kind of cake he wanted, he said he wanted a Nerf Gun cake. I asked him to think of something else, since Patrick had a gun cake and they'd look almost exactly the same. He decided he wanted a cake that looked like a potato, since his nickname is "Spud". I made him a Mr. PotatoHead cake. Well, as close as I could, anyway. :)
Work has been a challenge. But I think that comes with the territory when you are working for family. I am very thankful and grateful for my job. But, it's a bit depressing to have spent so much time in school, spent so much money, and not be able to get a job that uses my education. It's also frustrating to not be able to make enough to even begin paying on my student loans. But, I refuse to let it bother me too much. It seems like things always work themselves out, by the grace of God. He hasn't let me down yet! :) Darren's business is doing well - it is self-supporting, which is a HUGE blessing in this economy!
So, now the second week of January is over. I had a huge mess-up at work, but it was caught and fixed and I learned a big lesson. I have been given more responsibilities, broadening my knowledge of the business and giving me more hours, or at least, more to do during the hours I am there. I finally have health insurance and should be able to get the kids covered, too, in the next month or so. My ex is being granted his reduction in child support - the only one benefiting from that is him, of course. But, in order to just get it over with, I'm not going to argue about it. The kids will just have to understand that they won't get to do as much as they had been able to do.
I am preparing myself for February. It promises to be a difficult month. February is the anniversary of both my mother's birth and her death. We are hoping for my dad to fly over and go fishing again, like we did last year. It was a really nice time and made it a much more pleasant way to celebrate her life and memory. Money will be the only thing preventing it this year, so I plan to get my taxes done right away and hope for a big return. Ha ha ha!
I think I found a home for our "new" dog. She is more dog than we can take care of with me working full time and Darren spending so much time in the shop. We just don't have enough time for all of her energy. She's also tried to take a bite out of Josh's chickens. He wasn't too happy about that! So, I think, for now, we'll just stick with our 1 dog and 1 cat.
That's about it. We lead pretty dull lives, as you can tell. I'm sure there is more, if I thought really hard about it. Like, our dog got hit by a car and, honestly, should be dead. But, after spending WAY more money than I had, we found out she only had severely torn ligaments in her leg and will probably limp for the rest of her life. I think she's part cat, really, you know, 9 lives and all. Since this is getting long winded and I'm sure you all have better things to do with your life, I'm going to end here.
I have a birthday card that I've had for several weeks but still haven't sent. I'm really struggling with the message to write in it. Sometimes finding the right words to say what's on my mind and getting the true sentiment across is difficult. I think, maybe, because I tend to take things too personally I worry that what I write will be taken offensively when it's not meant that way at all. I'm just not sure how to handle the situation.
I haven't been going to the gym. I thought my membership expired in November, so I quit going. I received a collection call tonight saying I was two months behind on my payments. I explained that I only had a one year membership and that it was over in November. The lady on the phone promptly told me, "No, no, no. You have a TWO year contract and can only cancel if you move 25 or more miles away and there are no other gyms nearby." DANG! So, now I have to pay for 2 months that I didn't even use. I am really not happy about that! But, I guess, now I don't have an excuse. I really did feel better when I was going regularly. However, I have this guilt issue that prevents me from going before 8pm. And to tell the truth, by that time of night all I really want to do is put up my feet and rest.
My day usually starts at about 6:30am. I get Patrick and Emi up and ready, breakfast and all, then drive them to school by 7:15. Then I do the same thing with Aaron and myself, getting him on the bus by 8:15am, then me to the office by 8:30. Work is a circus in itself. I'm off at around 4, then I pick Patrick up from wrestling practice and make my way home. I walk in the door and immediately start dinner. We eat between 5:30 and 6:30, depending on how long it takes to get dinner made and on the table. After that it is clean up and help the kids with any homework they didn't get done while I was making dinner. Then, in a flash, it seems, it is 7:30 and time to start getting ready for bed. Don't get me wrong, the kids are all old enough to get themselves ready, but it seems that bed time is the time that they remember to give me a note from school, have some important thing they need to talk about, or they just simply want to sit for a minute and have quite, cuddle time. The boys need to have their teeth checked before bed. Aaron, because I just like to make sure he does a good job. He tends to brush pretty fast and sometimes doesn't get all the "sugar bugs" off. Patrick, well, he has braces and an extremely tight bottom lip, so he has me check his teeth to make sure he got all the yuk off from around his braces. Oh, they joys of mother-hood and boys :D Anyway, the point is, I seem to be going non-stop from 6:30am - 8:00pm. Making myself change my clothes, get in the car and drive clear across town is a difficult task. However, I do know it is something I REALLY need to make myself do.
Speaking of being busy -- today is now the 15th of January. I started this blog more than a week ago...need I say more?
I found out what has been causing part of my moodiness. The problem seems to be correcting itself, but it is difficult to deal with, emotionally. At least it's not sending me to the emergency room this time.
Santa was pretty good to the kids. They didn't get much, but they each got the one gift that they really wanted. Patrick wanted a Nintendo DS. That is a gift that was WAY out of Santa's price range. However, Santa was able to find one at Game Stop for about half of the regular price. Emi said, "I want a karaoke machine, but I know I won't get one". Well, she did. And Aaron wanted his own video game. He got a hunting game. It is the kind that you plug into the TV and then it has a rifle that you shoot at the deer or whatever on the screen.
Aaron's birthday is in January. That is always nice because I can get him really cool gifts for about 75% off at the after-Christmas sales. This year he wanted a Nerf War party at home. We invited his cousins and a friend from church over. They all had Nerf guns and spent about 3 hours "shooting" each other inside and outside. The weather cooperated, so happily for me most of the war was outside. When I asked him what kind of cake he wanted, he said he wanted a Nerf Gun cake. I asked him to think of something else, since Patrick had a gun cake and they'd look almost exactly the same. He decided he wanted a cake that looked like a potato, since his nickname is "Spud". I made him a Mr. PotatoHead cake. Well, as close as I could, anyway. :)
Work has been a challenge. But I think that comes with the territory when you are working for family. I am very thankful and grateful for my job. But, it's a bit depressing to have spent so much time in school, spent so much money, and not be able to get a job that uses my education. It's also frustrating to not be able to make enough to even begin paying on my student loans. But, I refuse to let it bother me too much. It seems like things always work themselves out, by the grace of God. He hasn't let me down yet! :) Darren's business is doing well - it is self-supporting, which is a HUGE blessing in this economy!
So, now the second week of January is over. I had a huge mess-up at work, but it was caught and fixed and I learned a big lesson. I have been given more responsibilities, broadening my knowledge of the business and giving me more hours, or at least, more to do during the hours I am there. I finally have health insurance and should be able to get the kids covered, too, in the next month or so. My ex is being granted his reduction in child support - the only one benefiting from that is him, of course. But, in order to just get it over with, I'm not going to argue about it. The kids will just have to understand that they won't get to do as much as they had been able to do.
I am preparing myself for February. It promises to be a difficult month. February is the anniversary of both my mother's birth and her death. We are hoping for my dad to fly over and go fishing again, like we did last year. It was a really nice time and made it a much more pleasant way to celebrate her life and memory. Money will be the only thing preventing it this year, so I plan to get my taxes done right away and hope for a big return. Ha ha ha!
I think I found a home for our "new" dog. She is more dog than we can take care of with me working full time and Darren spending so much time in the shop. We just don't have enough time for all of her energy. She's also tried to take a bite out of Josh's chickens. He wasn't too happy about that! So, I think, for now, we'll just stick with our 1 dog and 1 cat.
That's about it. We lead pretty dull lives, as you can tell. I'm sure there is more, if I thought really hard about it. Like, our dog got hit by a car and, honestly, should be dead. But, after spending WAY more money than I had, we found out she only had severely torn ligaments in her leg and will probably limp for the rest of her life. I think she's part cat, really, you know, 9 lives and all. Since this is getting long winded and I'm sure you all have better things to do with your life, I'm going to end here.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Goodbye Christmas. Welcome 2010
Christmas is over. This year, like several recently, I am glad. As one of my friends wrote so very well, Christmas is a bitter-sweet holiday for many. Some more bitter than others. But, as she said, I am not unique in having empty places set at the table.
This year my children had to spend the entire Christmas break with their dad. Since my children weren't here, my dad, nephew, niece and almost-nephew-in-law :o) stayed in Idaho. So, for Christmas day it was just Darren and me. I know I should be grateful and thankful that I have my children the majority of the year and I get them for Christmas day every other year. I am a fortunate divorced parent. There are many others, my husband included, who don’t ever get to see their children for any holiday, because even though custody orders say that the children are to visit on a certain schedule, the person with the primary custody refuses to put the child(ren) on a plane or bus or whatever. So – the bitter is that my children weren’t home for Christmas this year, the sweet is that they will be back home soon and we'll have Christmas then and we'll have it together on Christmas day next year. For Darren, the bitter is that he did not hear from any of his children. The sweet is that he enjoyed spending time with his brothers and family on Christmas eve.
As the holiday season approached I realized that this would be the 6th Christmas that I had to celebrate without my mama. She was so much more than a mom to me. For better or worse, much of my life revolved around her, so when I lost her, I lost a pretty big part of myself, too. It is also been about 8 years since the holidays were celebrated as a complete family. My brother and sister (in-law) divorced, my younger brother and his family moved away. The same year that my mom died, my sister (in-law) died as well. We went from celebrating with 20 or more squeezed in all around the table (we've never been a “kids' table” kind of family) down to 8 or 9 on a “good year”. That has been so hard to get used to. Very bitter, indeed. But, as I said at the beginning, I am not the only one missing a parent this year. For Darren and his brothers this is the 2nd Christmas without their mother.
Losing a parent is something we accept as we grow into adulthood, but not something we expect so soon. Both Darren’s mom and mine passed away just a year or two after turning 60. I was only 34 years old when my mom died and Renae’s sons were approximately 36-42 years old when they lost her. Darren and I both still have our fathers, which is a mixed blessing. I say “mixed” because my dad lives about 700 miles away, so we don't get to see each other very often. I do try to fly him to see us a few times a year and of course, I see him when I take the kids to Idaho. We also talk on the phone several times a week. I was able to fly him here for Thanksgiving and Patrick's birthday this year and I am hoping he can come again in February. But there are always a lot of tears when the time comes to return home. Although Darren’s dad lives just an hour away, he doesn’t get to see his dad much more than I see mine and they don't talk on the phone very often, either.
So, now a new year is once again on the horizon. I look forward to it with hopeful expectation. A year, fresh and new. A blank slate on which to write anything I choose. Some things will be written for me, things that are beyond my control. But it will be for me to choose how I react to those things. The rest I will write for myself. These will also be my choice. Will I choose to look at each experience as something I can learn and grow from? Will I choose to take too much too personally as I have done nearly all my life? Or will I choose to look at it in a more positive light? Will I write the good things in LARGE print and the not so good in a much smaller typeface? Will I write in BOLD, HAPPY COLORS or in simple black and white?
I'm not sure what all 2010 has in store, but I do know some of what the new year will bring; I will gain a new nephew when my niece marries, and a baby will be added to our family tree. These are two events that will bring many smiles and happy tears. I am choosing to only think of the joy these events will bring and not the sadness that the geographical distance holds. We will have a new baby, that is still close enough for me to love and spoil and watch grow. A baby that I will hold and cuddle. My very first “Grandbaby-ish”. And for all of the not-so-happy emotions that are clumped up in my heart; the grief that my mother will miss the birth of her first granddaughters' first child, and my sister will not watch her firstborn daughter have her firstborn child. Rather than feel the sadness for my niece and myself that these two most important women will be absent, I will choose to focus on the joy that will fill my heart when I get to witness this magic, standing by her side. And the gladness that will fill my father's heart when he welcomes his great-grandchild to the world is a treasure to witness in itself.
As this year comes to a close and a new year begins, I will resolve to look towards all of the gloriousness this life gives. I will welcome each new challenge and face it head-on with the courage and faith. I will honor the memory of my mom and my sister by doing all I can to be the woman, daughter, sister, mother and wife they taught me so well to be. No longer will I so willingly give in to feelings of inferiority, and self-consciousness. I will stand up for myself, my children, my family, my beliefs.
I will be strong!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Thankful
Since Patrick's birthday party I have had even more to be thankful for.
1) I had a really great time with the boys at Patrick's "friends party". Patrick had a great time with his cousins and made a new friend in the Pastor's son. It was really nice to see how much my son has grown and changed in these all-too-short 13 years.
2) Darren was able to find a dentist to extract his broken, icky tooth that has been troubling him for quite some time AND did not cost an arm and a leg, as well :) Darren's teeth are not that good and he's needed some dental work for awhile. We haven't had any kind of insurance to cover the cost. He had one tooth that was really bad. It's been causing him pain and he's been suffering through. Finally it got too much and he also wanted to be able to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner. He found a dentist that would be able to schedule him in the week before Thanksgiving, so he made the appointment and got it done. He has been much more pleasant since then ;o)
3) My nephew, niece & her boyfriend safely made the trip from southern Idaho to our home and were able to spend the week with us. They thought they wouldn't be able to come until Wednesday and they planned to stay through the weekend. Then her boyfriend ended up being scheduled to work over the weekend. So, they thought they'd have to cancel -- it's too far to drive to only be able to stay for 2 days. We talked about it and they were able to change things around to come at the beginning of the week.
The kids were SO excited to see them come through the door. Even our old dog, Holi, was happy to see them. She came over and pushed up against them, whining and begging to be pet. It was really quite cute.
4) My daddy had a safe drive to Boise and a safe flight into Portland to spend Patrick's birthday & holiday with us. This was the big birthday present for Patrick. I had kept the secret from him, so he had no idea Grampa was coming.
I had told Patrick that I had to go to Portland to pick up Darren's aunt & uncle. Since he didn't have school that day & it was his birthday, I asked him if he'd like to ride along, that we could stop and get breakfast and spend some time together for his birthday.
We got a late start (on purpose) so didn't stop for breakfast on the way. I told him we'd grab something small after we picked up Kim & Karl, then go out to breakfast afterwords. About the time the plane was to land Patrick and I headed back to the car (I'd parked in the short term parking so I could pick up something I'd seen previously at the gift shop) When we got in the car the phone rang. It was my dad saying he was at the pick-up area. Patrick overheard the call and said he thought it was grampa because he'd heard grampa say "See you in a minute baby". I said, "No, it was Karl and he'd said 'See you in a minute, Kate'" Then I started the waterworks and said how sad I was to not be able to spend the holidays with my dad and so on. It really got to Patrick and he gave me a hug and said he was sorry. So we went to the pick-up area and dad wasn't there. I got out of the car and called him. He was at the departure doors, I was below at the arrival doors. He said he'd take the elevator and be right down. So I got back in the car and told Patrick to watch one set of doors and I'd watch the other. Next thing I know, Patrick says, "Hey mom, there's a guy that looks like grampa!" I said, "No way! Where?" He then says, "Right there! Oh!!! It is Grampa!" and he jumped out of the car and ran over and gave grampa a HUGE hug! It was such a perfect surprise!
Later that night we had cake & icecream. I'll have to post pictures of the cake. It turned out pretty cool if I do say so myself! :) Patrick got a Bible, paintball gun with paintballs and accessories, a bag of frozen peas (an inside joke), a new suit, and a pass for snowboarding.
5) I was able to get some extra time off of work to spend with my family. What more can I say? Although I was technically off, I am on call 24 hours. I received a phone call while we were at the mall. It was someone requesting some work. I bid the job and got it! Another work related thing to be thankful for!
6) My niece is planning on getting married next winter. We found all of the dresses and were able to put the wedding gown on layaway. She tried it on and looked absolutely beautiful!
7) My family that came to visit all made it back to southern Idaho safely. A HUGE thanks for that!
8) Our old dog got hit by a car this afternoon. The guy that hit her stopped and said how sorry he was and that he couldn't believe he hadn't killed her. I had to take her to the emergency vet clinic- she was clearly hurt. It turns out that she has no internal injuries, however, her ankle joint is completely shattered - a compound fracture and there are abrasions to her skin. They bandaged her up and we were able to bring her home. I am thankful she is still alive (we've had her for 8 years) and I am thankful that I had a credit card to put the charges on (there's no other way I'd have been able to pay the $400+ cost or the costs we will incur). There will be further costs tomorrow when we take her to the regular vet to have her ankle actually looked at and decide how to proceed with treatment.
9) I am thankful, also, for my faith so that I don't have to cause myself unneeded worry about where the money is going to come from to pay the credit card bill (or the heat bill, electric bill, groceries and other bills). I will put my trust in my God that things will somehow work out and that the money will come for me to be able to pay for it all.
There are so many things we could be sad, angry or upset about. Parents who weren't as perfect as we thought they should be, the painful childhood, friends who didn't support us as we believe we'd have supported them, family who disappointed or let us down, jobs we lost, the spouse that broke our heart. So many things to be unhappy about. However, there are so many more things to be thankful for; parents who we can love in spite of their faults because that's how they love us, the pain that made us strong, friends who do the best they can because, really, what more can we ask for? Family who is as diverse and as normal as the rest of the people in this crazy world but love us just as we are, warts and all because we are all part of a family. Jobs we didn't get and jobs we did, the heart that learned to love by being unloved -- so very, very, very many more things, - the sun that warms us, the rain that gives us water, the snow that blankets the buried seeds, the wind that spreads the scents of nature... The amazing and wonderful God that created it all in perfection.
1) I had a really great time with the boys at Patrick's "friends party". Patrick had a great time with his cousins and made a new friend in the Pastor's son. It was really nice to see how much my son has grown and changed in these all-too-short 13 years.
2) Darren was able to find a dentist to extract his broken, icky tooth that has been troubling him for quite some time AND did not cost an arm and a leg, as well :) Darren's teeth are not that good and he's needed some dental work for awhile. We haven't had any kind of insurance to cover the cost. He had one tooth that was really bad. It's been causing him pain and he's been suffering through. Finally it got too much and he also wanted to be able to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner. He found a dentist that would be able to schedule him in the week before Thanksgiving, so he made the appointment and got it done. He has been much more pleasant since then ;o)
3) My nephew, niece & her boyfriend safely made the trip from southern Idaho to our home and were able to spend the week with us. They thought they wouldn't be able to come until Wednesday and they planned to stay through the weekend. Then her boyfriend ended up being scheduled to work over the weekend. So, they thought they'd have to cancel -- it's too far to drive to only be able to stay for 2 days. We talked about it and they were able to change things around to come at the beginning of the week.
The kids were SO excited to see them come through the door. Even our old dog, Holi, was happy to see them. She came over and pushed up against them, whining and begging to be pet. It was really quite cute.
4) My daddy had a safe drive to Boise and a safe flight into Portland to spend Patrick's birthday & holiday with us. This was the big birthday present for Patrick. I had kept the secret from him, so he had no idea Grampa was coming.
I had told Patrick that I had to go to Portland to pick up Darren's aunt & uncle. Since he didn't have school that day & it was his birthday, I asked him if he'd like to ride along, that we could stop and get breakfast and spend some time together for his birthday.
We got a late start (on purpose) so didn't stop for breakfast on the way. I told him we'd grab something small after we picked up Kim & Karl, then go out to breakfast afterwords. About the time the plane was to land Patrick and I headed back to the car (I'd parked in the short term parking so I could pick up something I'd seen previously at the gift shop) When we got in the car the phone rang. It was my dad saying he was at the pick-up area. Patrick overheard the call and said he thought it was grampa because he'd heard grampa say "See you in a minute baby". I said, "No, it was Karl and he'd said 'See you in a minute, Kate'" Then I started the waterworks and said how sad I was to not be able to spend the holidays with my dad and so on. It really got to Patrick and he gave me a hug and said he was sorry. So we went to the pick-up area and dad wasn't there. I got out of the car and called him. He was at the departure doors, I was below at the arrival doors. He said he'd take the elevator and be right down. So I got back in the car and told Patrick to watch one set of doors and I'd watch the other. Next thing I know, Patrick says, "Hey mom, there's a guy that looks like grampa!" I said, "No way! Where?" He then says, "Right there! Oh!!! It is Grampa!" and he jumped out of the car and ran over and gave grampa a HUGE hug! It was such a perfect surprise!
Later that night we had cake & icecream. I'll have to post pictures of the cake. It turned out pretty cool if I do say so myself! :) Patrick got a Bible, paintball gun with paintballs and accessories, a bag of frozen peas (an inside joke), a new suit, and a pass for snowboarding.
5) I was able to get some extra time off of work to spend with my family. What more can I say? Although I was technically off, I am on call 24 hours. I received a phone call while we were at the mall. It was someone requesting some work. I bid the job and got it! Another work related thing to be thankful for!
6) My niece is planning on getting married next winter. We found all of the dresses and were able to put the wedding gown on layaway. She tried it on and looked absolutely beautiful!
7) My family that came to visit all made it back to southern Idaho safely. A HUGE thanks for that!
8) Our old dog got hit by a car this afternoon. The guy that hit her stopped and said how sorry he was and that he couldn't believe he hadn't killed her. I had to take her to the emergency vet clinic- she was clearly hurt. It turns out that she has no internal injuries, however, her ankle joint is completely shattered - a compound fracture and there are abrasions to her skin. They bandaged her up and we were able to bring her home. I am thankful she is still alive (we've had her for 8 years) and I am thankful that I had a credit card to put the charges on (there's no other way I'd have been able to pay the $400+ cost or the costs we will incur). There will be further costs tomorrow when we take her to the regular vet to have her ankle actually looked at and decide how to proceed with treatment.
9) I am thankful, also, for my faith so that I don't have to cause myself unneeded worry about where the money is going to come from to pay the credit card bill (or the heat bill, electric bill, groceries and other bills). I will put my trust in my God that things will somehow work out and that the money will come for me to be able to pay for it all.
There are so many things we could be sad, angry or upset about. Parents who weren't as perfect as we thought they should be, the painful childhood, friends who didn't support us as we believe we'd have supported them, family who disappointed or let us down, jobs we lost, the spouse that broke our heart. So many things to be unhappy about. However, there are so many more things to be thankful for; parents who we can love in spite of their faults because that's how they love us, the pain that made us strong, friends who do the best they can because, really, what more can we ask for? Family who is as diverse and as normal as the rest of the people in this crazy world but love us just as we are, warts and all because we are all part of a family. Jobs we didn't get and jobs we did, the heart that learned to love by being unloved -- so very, very, very many more things, - the sun that warms us, the rain that gives us water, the snow that blankets the buried seeds, the wind that spreads the scents of nature... The amazing and wonderful God that created it all in perfection.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Happy to you!
Friday Patrick had 3 of his cousins and a friend from church come over to celebrate his birthday. I took 5 of the 6 boys (Patrick, Aaron, Loren, Morgan & Chris ) to Bullwinkle's in Wilsonville. Corin, the 6th boy, met us there. I bought the "All-Night-Birthday Party-Bash, which includes a 1-hour all-you-can-eat pizza & soft drinks, and unlimited go-karts, laser tag, bumper boats and mini-golf.
I was a bit concerned - one adult among 6 boys, but it turned out really good. I smiled so much watching those boys enjoy themselves, my face still hurt the next day. Aaron was a bit short for the go-karts, so I asked if they'd let me drive for him. The guys working there were really nice and let me, even though I hadn't bought tickets for myself. Aaron really enjoyed it and so did I. I had never driven a go-kart before. It was raining almost the whole night and the activities, with the exception of the laser tag, were all outside. Thankfully it wasn't a heavy rain and not too terribly cold. When it was our turn for the go-karts, I gave my coat to one of the boys who didn't have one. I was wearing a vest, too, so only my arms got cold, which was ok. With the rain on the track it made the driving even more exciting; lots of skidding/sliding around corners and all. Mini-golf ended up with a few extra "water hazards" which were fun to watch the boys play through. Watching them on the bumper boats was fun, too, but the boats didn't go very fast so they got bored with that pretty quickly.
Near the end of the night the boys decided they wanted to play some of the arcade games that they had there. So, I bought a bunch of tokens and off they went again!
It was a really nice night for me, seeing my "baby" as a more mature young man. Patrick had fun with his cousins and made a good friend in Corin. The age range of boys was essentially 8, 10, 12, 13 & 14, but they all played and had a fun time together. Even the ride home was pleasant.
Patrick's birthday isn't until Tuesday. I still can't believe it's been 13 years ago that my mom and I were walking and walking all around old-town Pocatello during the Cottages & Cranberries celebration hoping to get my labor started. So much has happened and changed since then. It doesn't seem that long ago, and yet, sometimes it seems a lifetime. I thank God every day for my precious son...who not only changed my life, but saved it.
I was a bit concerned - one adult among 6 boys, but it turned out really good. I smiled so much watching those boys enjoy themselves, my face still hurt the next day. Aaron was a bit short for the go-karts, so I asked if they'd let me drive for him. The guys working there were really nice and let me, even though I hadn't bought tickets for myself. Aaron really enjoyed it and so did I. I had never driven a go-kart before. It was raining almost the whole night and the activities, with the exception of the laser tag, were all outside. Thankfully it wasn't a heavy rain and not too terribly cold. When it was our turn for the go-karts, I gave my coat to one of the boys who didn't have one. I was wearing a vest, too, so only my arms got cold, which was ok. With the rain on the track it made the driving even more exciting; lots of skidding/sliding around corners and all. Mini-golf ended up with a few extra "water hazards" which were fun to watch the boys play through. Watching them on the bumper boats was fun, too, but the boats didn't go very fast so they got bored with that pretty quickly.
Near the end of the night the boys decided they wanted to play some of the arcade games that they had there. So, I bought a bunch of tokens and off they went again!
It was a really nice night for me, seeing my "baby" as a more mature young man. Patrick had fun with his cousins and made a good friend in Corin. The age range of boys was essentially 8, 10, 12, 13 & 14, but they all played and had a fun time together. Even the ride home was pleasant.
Patrick's birthday isn't until Tuesday. I still can't believe it's been 13 years ago that my mom and I were walking and walking all around old-town Pocatello during the Cottages & Cranberries celebration hoping to get my labor started. So much has happened and changed since then. It doesn't seem that long ago, and yet, sometimes it seems a lifetime. I thank God every day for my precious son...who not only changed my life, but saved it.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Time sure flies...
...when you have 3 kids! ha ha
I've been away for awhile, as you well know. So, here is a quick update.
Darren's business is going well. He has lots of orders and is very, very busy trying to fill them. It's a bit of a challenge when he has to wait on others for some of the parts, but overall he's been able to keep his customers happy. I don't know if I mentioned it before, but he was featured in a national magazine. They gave him a 3-full page write up! Recently he was offered an opportunity to go somewhere down south to be on a sportsman TV show. They are thinking the taping will be sometime in the spring. That is REALLY exciting! He's been having problems getting one of his machines up and running. I guess the manufacturer figured if someone bought the machine they'd already know how to work all the bells and whistles. Anyway, he finally found the complete tutorial and is just about ready to start production with it. That will save a lot of time and money - being able to make more of our own parts.
The kids...Patrick is in band. He's still playing the trumpet in Symphonic and Jazz band and is learning the alto saxophone in Cadet band. He is singing in the church choir with the Rejoice singers. He also started shooting at the local Jr. Rifle Club -- Precision Target Shooting. He's not sure if he likes it yet. It is a lot of technical stuff and not as easy as you'd think. I am pretty sure he will really enjoy it once he gets used to the different style of shooting. Then it will be more fun and he'll be able to go to tournaments all over the north west. He really is quite good.
Em is also in band. She is learning the French Horn in the 5th grade band. She sings in the school choir. She is doing really well in school. Em has also decided she wants to be a girl. She used to be a real home-body; rarely wanting to go much of anywhere and never wanting to go shopping. Now, she actually ASKS to go shopping and I am the one saying, "Are you ready to go home YET?"
Aaron, well, what can I say. He's almost 8 years old. I can't believe it. He isn't doing anything extra-curricular yet. He enjoys playing with his hot wheels and so far, he still likes to snuggle with me on the couch. Although, he has to make sure to give me a kiss BEFORE the bus comes into sight. He cannot have the bus driver see him give me a hug or kiss!
Me. Well, I did get a job. It's not what I want to do forever, but it is a good learning opportunity. And I am very thankful for it. I still get the flexibility I need for the kids, like being able to call in when they are sick, without having it go against me. I'm not too sure it will get my student loans paid off, I may still have to look for something better when they come due again, but for now, it's pretty good. There are some other pretty stressful things going on, but I try not to worry about it too much. Worrying doesn't solve anything and it just makes you and everyone around you miserable, too, so...I just keep my faith and pray about it and remain confident that things will work out just the way they should, when they should. I'm still going to the gym, not as much as I should, but some is better than none. I have a hard time finding time, and I don't like going alone, but whenever I do go, I feel MUCH better.
I've started some holiday shopping. One set of gifts I have to get into the mail this week. I'm not sure if I'll be doing any more gift-shipping in the future. It depends on how this one goes. For my other out-of-town stuff, my niece and dad are coming for Thanksgiving. I'm not sure if I'll send their gifts home with them, or send them with the kids when they go to their dad's for Christmas break. I won't get to spend any of the Christmas holiday with them this year. They get out of school on a Friday afternoon and have to be on a plane first thing Saturday morning. Then they don't come home until Sunday - with school resuming Monday. I wish I could be like other parents and just refuse to put them on the plane...keep the kids to myself where I know they are safe and happy. But, they are his kids, too, and as much as I hate to see them go, it's only for a few days...So I put on my happy face and tell them we'll have Christmas when they get home. That Santa won't forget them and their gifts will be waiting.
We have a new dog. Darren's dog, Jenny, died last year. He was finally ready to have a new dog, so... She's a black lab mix. They say she's about 7 or 8 months old. Her name was Ellie - but we call her Spaz! She is w.i.l.d.!! Previous owners never taught her any manners. She knows "sit" and that's about it. She tries to jump up on you, which is really bad with kids. She's hurt Aaron a couple of times, bowling him over. She doesn't stay for long and doesn't come to her name. We've had her a couple of weeks and she is getting much better, but definitely will take a LOT more work! She is really smart, though, and really wants to please, so I am hopeful.
So, that's about it, I suppose. We live a pretty dull life. I guess that's better than always being on the run and not having time to catch your breath. I really can't complain. Well...I guess I could, but honestly, what good would it do? :D
Until next time...
I've been away for awhile, as you well know. So, here is a quick update.
Darren's business is going well. He has lots of orders and is very, very busy trying to fill them. It's a bit of a challenge when he has to wait on others for some of the parts, but overall he's been able to keep his customers happy. I don't know if I mentioned it before, but he was featured in a national magazine. They gave him a 3-full page write up! Recently he was offered an opportunity to go somewhere down south to be on a sportsman TV show. They are thinking the taping will be sometime in the spring. That is REALLY exciting! He's been having problems getting one of his machines up and running. I guess the manufacturer figured if someone bought the machine they'd already know how to work all the bells and whistles. Anyway, he finally found the complete tutorial and is just about ready to start production with it. That will save a lot of time and money - being able to make more of our own parts.
The kids...Patrick is in band. He's still playing the trumpet in Symphonic and Jazz band and is learning the alto saxophone in Cadet band. He is singing in the church choir with the Rejoice singers. He also started shooting at the local Jr. Rifle Club -- Precision Target Shooting. He's not sure if he likes it yet. It is a lot of technical stuff and not as easy as you'd think. I am pretty sure he will really enjoy it once he gets used to the different style of shooting. Then it will be more fun and he'll be able to go to tournaments all over the north west. He really is quite good.
Em is also in band. She is learning the French Horn in the 5th grade band. She sings in the school choir. She is doing really well in school. Em has also decided she wants to be a girl. She used to be a real home-body; rarely wanting to go much of anywhere and never wanting to go shopping. Now, she actually ASKS to go shopping and I am the one saying, "Are you ready to go home YET?"
Aaron, well, what can I say. He's almost 8 years old. I can't believe it. He isn't doing anything extra-curricular yet. He enjoys playing with his hot wheels and so far, he still likes to snuggle with me on the couch. Although, he has to make sure to give me a kiss BEFORE the bus comes into sight. He cannot have the bus driver see him give me a hug or kiss!
Me. Well, I did get a job. It's not what I want to do forever, but it is a good learning opportunity. And I am very thankful for it. I still get the flexibility I need for the kids, like being able to call in when they are sick, without having it go against me. I'm not too sure it will get my student loans paid off, I may still have to look for something better when they come due again, but for now, it's pretty good. There are some other pretty stressful things going on, but I try not to worry about it too much. Worrying doesn't solve anything and it just makes you and everyone around you miserable, too, so...I just keep my faith and pray about it and remain confident that things will work out just the way they should, when they should. I'm still going to the gym, not as much as I should, but some is better than none. I have a hard time finding time, and I don't like going alone, but whenever I do go, I feel MUCH better.
I've started some holiday shopping. One set of gifts I have to get into the mail this week. I'm not sure if I'll be doing any more gift-shipping in the future. It depends on how this one goes. For my other out-of-town stuff, my niece and dad are coming for Thanksgiving. I'm not sure if I'll send their gifts home with them, or send them with the kids when they go to their dad's for Christmas break. I won't get to spend any of the Christmas holiday with them this year. They get out of school on a Friday afternoon and have to be on a plane first thing Saturday morning. Then they don't come home until Sunday - with school resuming Monday. I wish I could be like other parents and just refuse to put them on the plane...keep the kids to myself where I know they are safe and happy. But, they are his kids, too, and as much as I hate to see them go, it's only for a few days...So I put on my happy face and tell them we'll have Christmas when they get home. That Santa won't forget them and their gifts will be waiting.
We have a new dog. Darren's dog, Jenny, died last year. He was finally ready to have a new dog, so... She's a black lab mix. They say she's about 7 or 8 months old. Her name was Ellie - but we call her Spaz! She is w.i.l.d.!! Previous owners never taught her any manners. She knows "sit" and that's about it. She tries to jump up on you, which is really bad with kids. She's hurt Aaron a couple of times, bowling him over. She doesn't stay for long and doesn't come to her name. We've had her a couple of weeks and she is getting much better, but definitely will take a LOT more work! She is really smart, though, and really wants to please, so I am hopeful.
So, that's about it, I suppose. We live a pretty dull life. I guess that's better than always being on the run and not having time to catch your breath. I really can't complain. Well...I guess I could, but honestly, what good would it do? :D
Until next time...
Monday, September 21, 2009
How did we ever...
... live without cell phones?
Well, me, myself, I can take it or leave it. Mostly. I still have a land-line. I'm not ready for that break up. I do like my cell phone. It is certainly a convenience. But...
... Before cell phones I knew ALL of my family and friends' phone numbers. By heart. Now, well, not so much. Normally that wouldn't be such a big deal, but today my phone died. Completely. I had about 30 or so WONDERFUL pictures on it, and, of course, my entire phone book, complete with e-mail addresses, fax, cell and land-line numbers. Now they are gone. All gone.
I should have expected it. You know, with Murphy's Law and all. I've been getting messages from Verizon for months telling me that it was time for my "New every two" upgrade. I've been ignoring it because I was happy with my pretty pink razor with the pretty pink car charger, and pretty pink carry case purse looking thing and pretty pink cover all to match. Like the saying goes, "If it 'ain't broke, don't fix it." Well, now it's broke and I can't fix it, either.
Now I have a maroon LG something-or-other with way too many bells and whistles. I mean, what ever happened to a phone just simply being a phone? It has a camera, mp3 capability (whatever in the world that means), and a qwerty key board. Like I ever text. I much prefer to actually talk to live people and I really don't even like it when people text me. Call me, let me hear your voice, stop by and visit, let me see your face. I like things up-close-and-personal. Just like in those much famed good-ol'-days! I am most certainly an "old school" kind of girl, as I think I'd mentioned in a previous blog. :)
The point is, I suppose, if you are reading this and you'd like me to call you sometime, you're gonna' have to send me a message or give me a call.
I've kept my number, but baby, I ain't got yours.
Well, me, myself, I can take it or leave it. Mostly. I still have a land-line. I'm not ready for that break up. I do like my cell phone. It is certainly a convenience. But...
... Before cell phones I knew ALL of my family and friends' phone numbers. By heart. Now, well, not so much. Normally that wouldn't be such a big deal, but today my phone died. Completely. I had about 30 or so WONDERFUL pictures on it, and, of course, my entire phone book, complete with e-mail addresses, fax, cell and land-line numbers. Now they are gone. All gone.
I should have expected it. You know, with Murphy's Law and all. I've been getting messages from Verizon for months telling me that it was time for my "New every two" upgrade. I've been ignoring it because I was happy with my pretty pink razor with the pretty pink car charger, and pretty pink carry case purse looking thing and pretty pink cover all to match. Like the saying goes, "If it 'ain't broke, don't fix it." Well, now it's broke and I can't fix it, either.
Now I have a maroon LG something-or-other with way too many bells and whistles. I mean, what ever happened to a phone just simply being a phone? It has a camera, mp3 capability (whatever in the world that means), and a qwerty key board. Like I ever text. I much prefer to actually talk to live people and I really don't even like it when people text me. Call me, let me hear your voice, stop by and visit, let me see your face. I like things up-close-and-personal. Just like in those much famed good-ol'-days! I am most certainly an "old school" kind of girl, as I think I'd mentioned in a previous blog. :)
The point is, I suppose, if you are reading this and you'd like me to call you sometime, you're gonna' have to send me a message or give me a call.
I've kept my number, but baby, I ain't got yours.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
On my way...
...to my old self. I'm not going to say how much I weigh, but it is a LOT more than I want. I found out after my mom died that I tend to eat under stress. Don't get me wrong, I had started gaining weight before that, during the last couple of years of my marriage. I wasn't happy. I didn't know how to fix it.
Anyway, one weekend while the kids were gone, I was sitting on the couch watching a movie feeling sorry for myself. I was in the middle of a nasty divorce, my mother was gone, my sister was gone, my kids were with their dad, I was all alone, had no job, bills to pay and was 20+ miles away from anything even resembling a friend or family and I was F.A.T. ! Could my life really be any worse? yep - my own personal pity party!
I had already eaten dinner. I was sitting on the couch in the stereotypical scene; sweatpants, baggy shirt, pony tail and HUGE bowl of ice cream. I felt physically full, but I was so hungry. As I shoveled a spoonful of chocolate covered ice cream in my mouth, I realized, "I am so full, I'm going to be sick!" and I took another bite. Just then, it was like a giant 2x4 hit me across the head. It was at that moment I realized what I was doing. A couple of weeks later I was talking to my aunt on the phone about it and she said, "Yep, I know. Your mom told me that with her death you'd either turn into a skeleton or blow up like a balloon. She was worried about you." Well, balloon it is! ( I wish it had been skeleton!)
That realization helped a little. At least it made me more aware. But over the course of the next year or so, with all the stresses going on, including my dad's near fatal heart attack, quadruple heart bypass surgery, other health problems and the dragging divorce, I still continued to gain weight.
So, the point is this. Late last winter I joined a gym. I've been working out, at first regularly, then not so much with summer and all, but still more than before. Now that the kids are back in school and things here are settling into a routine again, my gym routine can begin again, too. I'm also on a diet. So far I've gotten rid of (not "lost", I don't want my brain thinking I need to "find" it again *wink*wink*) over 20 pounds. At this rate, by Christmas I will be back to my old, younger, self. I am really excited about that.
I have to admit - the diet sucks! I don't like it. But, I am down nearly 2 pants sizes, and that part I LOVE! So, for those of you who have seen some of my pictures (there are very few)- just wait until Christmas. I'll actually be happy to have my picture taken :)
Anyway, one weekend while the kids were gone, I was sitting on the couch watching a movie feeling sorry for myself. I was in the middle of a nasty divorce, my mother was gone, my sister was gone, my kids were with their dad, I was all alone, had no job, bills to pay and was 20+ miles away from anything even resembling a friend or family and I was F.A.T. ! Could my life really be any worse? yep - my own personal pity party!
I had already eaten dinner. I was sitting on the couch in the stereotypical scene; sweatpants, baggy shirt, pony tail and HUGE bowl of ice cream. I felt physically full, but I was so hungry. As I shoveled a spoonful of chocolate covered ice cream in my mouth, I realized, "I am so full, I'm going to be sick!" and I took another bite. Just then, it was like a giant 2x4 hit me across the head. It was at that moment I realized what I was doing. A couple of weeks later I was talking to my aunt on the phone about it and she said, "Yep, I know. Your mom told me that with her death you'd either turn into a skeleton or blow up like a balloon. She was worried about you." Well, balloon it is! ( I wish it had been skeleton!)
That realization helped a little. At least it made me more aware. But over the course of the next year or so, with all the stresses going on, including my dad's near fatal heart attack, quadruple heart bypass surgery, other health problems and the dragging divorce, I still continued to gain weight.
So, the point is this. Late last winter I joined a gym. I've been working out, at first regularly, then not so much with summer and all, but still more than before. Now that the kids are back in school and things here are settling into a routine again, my gym routine can begin again, too. I'm also on a diet. So far I've gotten rid of (not "lost", I don't want my brain thinking I need to "find" it again *wink*wink*) over 20 pounds. At this rate, by Christmas I will be back to my old, younger, self. I am really excited about that.
I have to admit - the diet sucks! I don't like it. But, I am down nearly 2 pants sizes, and that part I LOVE! So, for those of you who have seen some of my pictures (there are very few)- just wait until Christmas. I'll actually be happy to have my picture taken :)
Sunday, September 6, 2009
In the past 12 months...
...I have read a lot of books. When I first came to Oregon in late July we were staying at Darren's dad's house in Portland. I didn't want to be in the way, so I stayed in the basement and tried to not be a burden. We didn't have TV reception but we did have a tiny TV and Darren's X-box that we could use for a DVD player. Then when we moved to Salem last August we had no real TV reception. Darren was driving to Portland every day for work and I was hanging out in a one-room loft while we were waiting for the house we were moving into to be ready. During those few weeks (in Portland & Salem) I was getting burned out on movies (we watched them almost every night when Darren got home), so I read. Then, at Christmas, Darren bought me some more books.
When the kids aren't here I can plow through books, reading a novel in just 2 or 3 days, at most. I get bored with no friends or family here so I don't really know what to do with myself when they aren't around. When they are home, I still read, but usually only at bed time. Then, it takes me about a week or so.
Just for fun, here are the books I've read since Mid-July, 2008; in no particular order:
( I have probably read more, but these are the ones I can remember)
Biblical Historical Fiction
I read this book over Christmas Break, while my kids were in Idaho visiting their dad. It was a little slow in the beginning, while they were laying down the foundation, but over all, I enjoyed it.
I left it at my aunt & uncle's house out at the coast. I hope she doesn't give it away. It's one that I would like to read again.
By Nicholas Sparks
(I read all of these books during the 3 weeks I was in Idaho at the end of June - I also watched a couple of the movies while I was in Idaho -- as usual, the books were MUCH better.)
At First Sight
Message in a Bottle
The Choice
The Lucky One
The Notebook
The Wedding
By Robin Cook
Harmful Intent
By Janet Evanovich
One For the Money
This one Darren bought for me. He said he'd read it a long, long time ago. He thought I might like it...
By Peter Straub
Mystery
The rest of the books I've read have all been by Dean Koontz. I won't bother with covers because there have been too many. So, I will just list them.
Fear Nothing
The Darkest Evening of the year
The Good Guy
Brother Odd
Twilight Eyes
Shadow Fires
Tick Tock
Forever Odd
The Funhouse
Hideaway
Odd Hours
Phantoms
Demon Seed
Watchers
Darkfall
The Husband
By the Light of the Moon
The Eyes of Darkness
The Face of Fear
How many more can I read by Christmas? Hhhmmmm..... :0)
When the kids aren't here I can plow through books, reading a novel in just 2 or 3 days, at most. I get bored with no friends or family here so I don't really know what to do with myself when they aren't around. When they are home, I still read, but usually only at bed time. Then, it takes me about a week or so.
Just for fun, here are the books I've read since Mid-July, 2008; in no particular order:
( I have probably read more, but these are the ones I can remember)
By Sherrie Lord
2 Christian Romance Novels
2 Christian Romance Novels
They were very easy and fun to read and can be found online at:
http://www.sherrielord.com
By Anita DiamantBiblical Historical Fiction
I read this book over Christmas Break, while my kids were in Idaho visiting their dad. It was a little slow in the beginning, while they were laying down the foundation, but over all, I enjoyed it.
I left it at my aunt & uncle's house out at the coast. I hope she doesn't give it away. It's one that I would like to read again.
By Nicholas Sparks
(I read all of these books during the 3 weeks I was in Idaho at the end of June - I also watched a couple of the movies while I was in Idaho -- as usual, the books were MUCH better.)
At First Sight
Message in a Bottle
Dear John
The Choice
The Lucky One
The Notebook
The Wedding
By Robin Cook
Harmful Intent
By Janet Evanovich
One For the Money
This one Darren bought for me. He said he'd read it a long, long time ago. He thought I might like it...
By Peter Straub
Mystery
The rest of the books I've read have all been by Dean Koontz. I won't bother with covers because there have been too many. So, I will just list them.
Fear Nothing
The Darkest Evening of the year
The Good Guy
Brother Odd
Twilight Eyes
Shadow Fires
Tick Tock
Forever Odd
The Funhouse
Hideaway
Odd Hours
Phantoms
Demon Seed
Watchers
Darkfall
The Husband
By the Light of the Moon
The Eyes of Darkness
The Face of Fear
How many more can I read by Christmas? Hhhmmmm..... :0)
Friday, September 4, 2009
Feeling Sentimental
Mama, Daddy, Denise (my sister), me, Kevin (my younger brother), my nephew Johnny (in front of my dad), my nephew Michael ( in front of me)I don't have many pictures of her with me, here in Oregon. Most of them are still in storage. But here are a few...
This is, of course, my parents and me - February 1998
My mom - she and I had gone to Jackson for a weekend - just the 2 of us. I'm thinking it was taken around 2000. I'm in the picture, too - but... well, let's just say it isn't too flattering :o)
This picture was taken just a couple of months before she died...
I really wanted a "Generation" picture. I am so happy she agreed. She was in a terrible amount of pain but took the time to do this for me. As usual, she put the desires of her children ahead of herself. She was an amazing woman. If I am able to become even half of what she was I will have accomplished a lot.I miss her so much...
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Random Thoughts
It is funny how different people bring out different things in each other. For example, I have an uncle who used to be pretty mean to his first wife. From what I have heard, he used to yell at her, say mean things to her, threaten her and even, on occasion, he would hit her. His second wife, well, he knew she wouldn't put up with his nonsense and he never even raised his voice to her, let alone, a hand.
I see things like this in my own family. Some family members get along just fine, others, well, they are over sensitive to certain people whom others just take with a grain of salt or simply just ignore, understanding where the offending person is coming from. I see it in friends, acquaintances and co-workers.
My ex, whom, obviously I cared for at one time, brings out the very worst in me. Especially when he pulls stunts like he's done this August. He brings out a side of me that even I do not like. I hate how he is able to push my buttons. I am better at controlling myself and how I respond to him, but I still feel the yucky tension vibrating inside me. The old saying in so many Westerns, "This town ain't big enough for the two of us" really applies with he and me.
The other day I made a comment to my nephew intended to support him, and he mis-understood and took it as a personal attack. I know he is sensitive and should have kept my mouth shut. The situation, however, brought out the protective part of me - and the defensive part of him. Not a good combination.
My husband is not perfect. To be honest, I want to give him a "boot to the head" sometimes. (a reference to an old radio program - Dr. Demento ;0) ) But, overall, he is great! He has his faults and I'll be the first to admit it, but, don't we all?
This summer has been so hard for me. The last time I saw my 2 youngest children was July 3rd and my oldest, July 12. I have never been away from my kids for that long and it was probably one of the most difficult things I have ever done. Darren was so good to me over these months without my kids. I have been moody, grouchy, and very sad and depressed. He has been so sweet. For the most part he knew when to leave me alone and when to hold me close. He didn't criticize me even one time when I would have days where I simply laid around the house and did nothing and let dishes and laundry pile up. He helped with the cooking when I couldn't bring myself to do it. For my birthday, he even made an effort to fix the dishwasher that came with our house. When it looked to be more trouble than it was worth, he bought us a re-manufactured one (money has been VERY tight this summer) to help make things easier for me. Not the most romantic gift, but certainly a very thoughtful one and something I actually wanted.
My niece got me the sweetest gifts. I'll have to take a picture and post them. For Mother's Day she bought me a book - one that I will write. It is one about my own life where I fill in the blanks. It made me cry. For my birthday she gave me a plate with the Lord's Prayer and a really, really fun and cute Dr. Sues notebook. It has notes that you tear out and give to others all written in the style of Dr. Sues. I LOVE it! It is SO much fun. She doesn't get along with everyone. She's kind of spoiled. (Yes, I've even said it to her face) But she is the sweetest girl to me and I don't know what I'd do without her. She is a lifesaver.
Today I am wrapping things up in Idaho. The kids and I will be heading back to Oregon first thing tomorrow morning. We'll be stopping in Sumpter and camping with Darren, his dad, his brothers and nephews. Emi and I will only stay for one day. Then we'll leave the boys to their boy-time, hunting and camping for a week or so and she and I will enjoy some girl-time.
I am so happy to have my kids back. I know they have to spend time with their dad, and I won't deny him that. But I am much happier when they are home with me. My children bring out what is best in me. My husband makes me want to be better than I am. My wonderful niece and father bring out the good in me. These I will focus on. I will do all I can to learn to let the good come out when I have to interact with those who try to make me less than I am.
I see things like this in my own family. Some family members get along just fine, others, well, they are over sensitive to certain people whom others just take with a grain of salt or simply just ignore, understanding where the offending person is coming from. I see it in friends, acquaintances and co-workers.
My ex, whom, obviously I cared for at one time, brings out the very worst in me. Especially when he pulls stunts like he's done this August. He brings out a side of me that even I do not like. I hate how he is able to push my buttons. I am better at controlling myself and how I respond to him, but I still feel the yucky tension vibrating inside me. The old saying in so many Westerns, "This town ain't big enough for the two of us" really applies with he and me.
The other day I made a comment to my nephew intended to support him, and he mis-understood and took it as a personal attack. I know he is sensitive and should have kept my mouth shut. The situation, however, brought out the protective part of me - and the defensive part of him. Not a good combination.
My husband is not perfect. To be honest, I want to give him a "boot to the head" sometimes. (a reference to an old radio program - Dr. Demento ;0) ) But, overall, he is great! He has his faults and I'll be the first to admit it, but, don't we all?
This summer has been so hard for me. The last time I saw my 2 youngest children was July 3rd and my oldest, July 12. I have never been away from my kids for that long and it was probably one of the most difficult things I have ever done. Darren was so good to me over these months without my kids. I have been moody, grouchy, and very sad and depressed. He has been so sweet. For the most part he knew when to leave me alone and when to hold me close. He didn't criticize me even one time when I would have days where I simply laid around the house and did nothing and let dishes and laundry pile up. He helped with the cooking when I couldn't bring myself to do it. For my birthday, he even made an effort to fix the dishwasher that came with our house. When it looked to be more trouble than it was worth, he bought us a re-manufactured one (money has been VERY tight this summer) to help make things easier for me. Not the most romantic gift, but certainly a very thoughtful one and something I actually wanted.
My niece got me the sweetest gifts. I'll have to take a picture and post them. For Mother's Day she bought me a book - one that I will write. It is one about my own life where I fill in the blanks. It made me cry. For my birthday she gave me a plate with the Lord's Prayer and a really, really fun and cute Dr. Sues notebook. It has notes that you tear out and give to others all written in the style of Dr. Sues. I LOVE it! It is SO much fun. She doesn't get along with everyone. She's kind of spoiled. (Yes, I've even said it to her face) But she is the sweetest girl to me and I don't know what I'd do without her. She is a lifesaver.
Today I am wrapping things up in Idaho. The kids and I will be heading back to Oregon first thing tomorrow morning. We'll be stopping in Sumpter and camping with Darren, his dad, his brothers and nephews. Emi and I will only stay for one day. Then we'll leave the boys to their boy-time, hunting and camping for a week or so and she and I will enjoy some girl-time.
I am so happy to have my kids back. I know they have to spend time with their dad, and I won't deny him that. But I am much happier when they are home with me. My children bring out what is best in me. My husband makes me want to be better than I am. My wonderful niece and father bring out the good in me. These I will focus on. I will do all I can to learn to let the good come out when I have to interact with those who try to make me less than I am.
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