Some times are more tragic than others...

I had intended that my next post (which would be this one) be more of a happy one, but I couldn't find the pictures I wanted to include, so I procrastinated. You guessed it, I am the QUEEN of procrastination - I even have a crown to prove it :D Anyway, because of my procrastination things have changed and my happy post is postponed.

As you may or may not know, I lost my mama to cancer in February 2004, just 5 days before her 62nd birthday. I'm sure I mentioned before that we had her "celebration of life" on her birthday, complete with cake and her favorite music. In February of 2005 my dad suffered major heart difficulty and ended up having quad-bypass surgery. Since then he has had various, somewhat minor health problems that, to date, have been able to be treated. One of the bigger problems was pain and lack of circulation in his legs. One of the complications from this was that he was unable to get around very well. He had trouble getting his groceries, walking and due to cramps, even sleeping through the night was a major challenge. The doctors were able to finally remedy this with a surgery that put an electronic device in his back that sends electrical impulses to his nerves to relieve the pain. Since that time he has seemed to be improving daily. He's been able to do nearly all of his own shopping and work throughout the day virtually pain free. Things were really looking up and we were planning for him to come visit again over President's day weekend and go fishing, as we did last year. We were all looking forward to it, especially since Dad would be able to actually stand and enjoy the fishing this year. Last year was hard because his legs kept cramping up.

But Murphy's law won out, again. Last weekend Dad started having chest pains and late Sunday night he drove himself to the hospital. He'd had a heart attack. He'd run out of one of his blood thinners (he's on 2 different ones, among other medications). He figured that since it was so close to the end of the month that it wouldn't be a big deal to go without it for a little bit since he was still taking one. Dad ended up in the hospital for a better part of a week, getting stabilized and having numerous tests to figure out what the problem is. They figured it out. All 4 of the grafts from his quad-bypass are terribly diseased. He needs surgery to repair them. However, due to the various medications he is on, his age and other problems, the risks are very high. The doctor said, "There is a very real risk that he wouldn't make it off the operating table".

They had planned the surgery for first thing yesterday morning. My dad was reluctant. He felt he was being rushed into a decision and things were moving way to fast. In addition, he had clients that he'd made appointments for and with. He had things at work and home that needed done. He also wanted some extra time to get his "affairs in order", just in case. So, the doctors agreed to see if medication alone would help things. They gave him a week. He is to be back at the doctor's office on Monday, Feb 8th to see if the medications are helping and to decide if the risks of the surgery do, indeed, outweigh the risks of not going ahead.

One is never ready to loose a parent or loved one. But, to me, it is especially difficult when your parent is still so full of life. Even with all of the challenges he has faced these last few years, he is still strong. He works full time on the clock and many more hours off the clock, helping his clients. He is still able to safely drive. He makes 2 or 3 trips a year to Oregon to see us, driving himself to Boise (over 250 miles, one way) and gets himself on a plane from there to Portland. He rides his motorcycle. He is 71, but he is not "old". I am not ready to let go. I still need him. My kids need him even more. There are so many people who love him and care about him, depend on him and need him around. If he were old and feeble and wasting away it would be so much easier to accept the fact that this risk is at our door. But when he has so much life and fire left in him, it doesn't even seem real that this is something I will have to consider so soon.

So, I will say my prayers as my mother taught me. "Be careful what you pray for", He always knows what is in your heart and what is best. Simply pray "Thy will be done. Give me the strength of heart to accept Your decision if it is a difficult one and the humility to always remember to give You praise. If things go well, never let me forget that it was also Your will and the glory belongs to You."

There has been a great heaviness in my heart and I don't anticipate it lightening any time soon. It has been good reminder, though, how precious and how fragile life is. I know it is cliche' but this trial has made it ever more clear; don't take a single day for granted. You never know which one will be your last.

I hope that my children and I are able to spend many more springs and summers, falls and winters with their grandfather (Popeye), my daddy. I pray that the Lord will give the doctors knowledge and skill along with the ability to make him well enough that we may enjoy much more time together.

Time and love...the greatest gifts we can give and an even greater gift to receive.