On my way...

...to my old self. I'm not going to say how much I weigh, but it is a LOT more than I want. I found out after my mom died that I tend to eat under stress. Don't get me wrong, I had started gaining weight before that, during the last couple of years of my marriage. I wasn't happy. I didn't know how to fix it.

Anyway, one weekend while the kids were gone, I was sitting on the couch watching a movie feeling sorry for myself. I was in the middle of a nasty divorce, my mother was gone, my sister was gone, my kids were with their dad, I was all alone, had no job, bills to pay and was 20+ miles away from anything even resembling a friend or family and I was F.A.T. ! Could my life really be any worse? yep - my own personal pity party!

I had already eaten dinner. I was sitting on the couch in the stereotypical scene; sweatpants, baggy shirt, pony tail and HUGE bowl of ice cream. I felt physically full, but I was so hungry. As I shoveled a spoonful of chocolate covered ice cream in my mouth, I realized, "I am so full, I'm going to be sick!" and I took another bite. Just then, it was like a giant 2x4 hit me across the head. It was at that moment I realized what I was doing. A couple of weeks later I was talking to my aunt on the phone about it and she said, "Yep, I know. Your mom told me that with her death you'd either turn into a skeleton or blow up like a balloon. She was worried about you." Well, balloon it is! ( I wish it had been skeleton!)

That realization helped a little. At least it made me more aware. But over the course of the next year or so, with all the stresses going on, including my dad's near fatal heart attack, quadruple heart bypass surgery, other health problems and the dragging divorce, I still continued to gain weight.

So, the point is this. Late last winter I joined a gym. I've been working out, at first regularly, then not so much with summer and all, but still more than before. Now that the kids are back in school and things here are settling into a routine again, my gym routine can begin again, too. I'm also on a diet. So far I've gotten rid of (not "lost", I don't want my brain thinking I need to "find" it again *wink*wink*) over 20 pounds. At this rate, by Christmas I will be back to my old, younger, self. I am really excited about that.

I have to admit - the diet sucks! I don't like it. But, I am down nearly 2 pants sizes, and that part I LOVE! So, for those of you who have seen some of my pictures (there are very few)- just wait until Christmas. I'll actually be happy to have my picture taken :)