Random Thoughts

It is funny how different people bring out different things in each other. For example, I have an uncle who used to be pretty mean to his first wife. From what I have heard, he used to yell at her, say mean things to her, threaten her and even, on occasion, he would hit her. His second wife, well, he knew she wouldn't put up with his nonsense and he never even raised his voice to her, let alone, a hand.

I see things like this in my own family. Some family members get along just fine, others, well, they are over sensitive to certain people whom others just take with a grain of salt or simply just ignore, understanding where the offending person is coming from. I see it in friends, acquaintances and co-workers.

My ex, whom, obviously I cared for at one time, brings out the very worst in me. Especially when he pulls stunts like he's done this August. He brings out a side of me that even I do not like. I hate how he is able to push my buttons. I am better at controlling myself and how I respond to him, but I still feel the yucky tension vibrating inside me. The old saying in so many Westerns, "This town ain't big enough for the two of us" really applies with he and me.

The other day I made a comment to my nephew intended to support him, and he mis-understood and took it as a personal attack. I know he is sensitive and should have kept my mouth shut. The situation, however, brought out the protective part of me - and the defensive part of him. Not a good combination.

My husband is not perfect. To be honest, I want to give him a "boot to the head" sometimes. (a reference to an old radio program - Dr. Demento ;0) ) But, overall, he is great! He has his faults and I'll be the first to admit it, but, don't we all?

This summer has been so hard for me. The last time I saw my 2 youngest children was July 3rd and my oldest, July 12. I have never been away from my kids for that long and it was probably one of the most difficult things I have ever done. Darren was so good to me over these months without my kids. I have been moody, grouchy, and very sad and depressed. He has been so sweet. For the most part he knew when to leave me alone and when to hold me close. He didn't criticize me even one time when I would have days where I simply laid around the house and did nothing and let dishes and laundry pile up. He helped with the cooking when I couldn't bring myself to do it. For my birthday, he even made an effort to fix the dishwasher that came with our house. When it looked to be more trouble than it was worth, he bought us a re-manufactured one (money has been VERY tight this summer) to help make things easier for me. Not the most romantic gift, but certainly a very thoughtful one and something I actually wanted.

My niece got me the sweetest gifts. I'll have to take a picture and post them. For Mother's Day she bought me a book - one that I will write. It is one about my own life where I fill in the blanks. It made me cry. For my birthday she gave me a plate with the Lord's Prayer and a really, really fun and cute Dr. Sues notebook. It has notes that you tear out and give to others all written in the style of Dr. Sues. I LOVE it! It is SO much fun. She doesn't get along with everyone. She's kind of spoiled. (Yes, I've even said it to her face) But she is the sweetest girl to me and I don't know what I'd do without her. She is a lifesaver.

Today I am wrapping things up in Idaho. The kids and I will be heading back to Oregon first thing tomorrow morning. We'll be stopping in Sumpter and camping with Darren, his dad, his brothers and nephews. Emi and I will only stay for one day. Then we'll leave the boys to their boy-time, hunting and camping for a week or so and she and I will enjoy some girl-time.

I am so happy to have my kids back. I know they have to spend time with their dad, and I won't deny him that. But I am much happier when they are home with me. My children bring out what is best in me. My husband makes me want to be better than I am. My wonderful niece and father bring out the good in me. These I will focus on. I will do all I can to learn to let the good come out when I have to interact with those who try to make me less than I am.