While at my dad's house helping him during his most recent return home from the hospital, I found a poem. I do not remember where we got it, but reading brought forth many bitter-sweet memories. I hope it speaks to your heart, as well.
For My Mama
"Don't worry about the little things"
My Mama used to say.
"The Spirit's on your shoulder
And He'll show you the way."
"Ask the Lord for guidance
He'll surely get you through
No matter what the trial
He's always there with you."
"So lighten up your step, dear,
There's no need for heavy heart
And if you do your very best
God always does His part."
How I miss my darling Mama
But I thank God every day
For the many years He blessed me
With the things she had to say.
My mom had so many little sayings. Some she got from her own mother and others, I suppose, were just her own. I hear her voice sometimes when I say some of those things to my own children; "clean the corners and the middle will take care of itself", "if it's not yours, don't touch it", "if you don't want something to happen (good or bad) don't put yourself in the position where it will", and my favorite, "God will take care of it. He always does".
Each year, February had been a month of anticipation. The snow was melting, the weather was getting warmer, money didn't seem to be quite so tight. And, it was mom's birthday. The first birthday celebration of the year! Then 2004 happened. We found mom was very sick and then, all of a sudden, she was gone. Shortly after that my dad had a heart attack and ended up in the hospital. The following February he had quadruple bypass surgery. Spring no longer held the promise of new life, but had more of a tension, trying to hold on to the life that seemed to be slipping away.
Then, for a time, life found a new pace. Not the light one of the past, but a steady, determined pace. Life seemed to be finding an upward track. There were some tragedies and some delights. Then February 2010 was upon us. By the end of January dad was not doing well again. In February he ended up back in the hospital.
The bypass surgery he had done in 2005 had to be done over. When the doctors performed the surgery they found they were only able to do a single bypass, not the 4 he needed. He also had emphysema and one lung was attached to his heart. After the surgery he developed congestive heart failure, and later, pneumonia. He has been in and out of the hospital ever since.
I have been praying every day. One of the many things my mom taught me, and another of her sayings was to "be careful what you ask for. You just might get it". She taught me to pray carefully. To talk with God, to tell him what was on my heart, but to always end with "thy will be done". She also always said to make sure to ask for the strength to accept the answer if His will would be difficult to bear, and to have a heart of praise and thanksgiving, either way, because in the end He knew what was best and it would be a blessing to us even if we didn't see it right away.
Since February life has been full of challenges, more than usual. But each day I pray that my dad will get better if that is God's will. Although it has been an up and down roller coaster ride, he does seem to be improving, three steps forward, two steps back. Spring is on it's way. The sun is shining more, flowers are blooming. There are more sunny, warm days than cold, dark days. My heart is, again, full of hope and anticipation.
My mom used to frequently say, "be thankful for what you have and don't worry about what you don't". So, as another foreboding February becomes history, I will be thankful for my many blessings. I have 3 children who are respectful, smart, talented and normal human beings, I have a husband that loves me faults and all, I have family who accepts me just as I am, I friends who enjoy my company and I enjoy theirs (even though they are all several hundred miles away), a job, a place to lay my head, food on my table, and my father is still alive and healing a little bit more each day. And if dad's room in God's mansion is ready for him more sooner than later, I will be thankful for the many years I was confused and frustrated and angered and blessed and comforted by the things my daddy had to say...
And I know I will be ok, because "God never gives us more than we can handle".
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