until I have to take my kids to their dad. He is such a putz sometimes, but...for better or worse, he does love the kids and tries to do his best. He isn't the best, but he does the best he knows how, which, I guess, is all anyone can ask for. Right?
Over the years he has done so many things that have been hurtful to me and to the children. Things that I doubt any of us will ever truly get over. But, he is doing the best he knows how for the person that he is. Sometimes I wish I could be like other mothers and ex-wives. I want (need) to protect my children. But, as the court made very clear - you cannot "convict" someone for a crime until they actually commit it. So, even though I'd like to be like so many other women, and keep my children home with me and protect them from the evil that they may or may not encounter, I will pack their things, load up the car, and take them for their summer visit.
My ex-husband may never know the restraint shown to him because of the hurt that I have seen befall another. After what he did to us, I wanted so badly to pack my children and run. Go so far away that he'd never be able to see us or hurt any of us again. Someplace where he'd never be able to raise his voice or his hands to us...but I didn't. I stayed. I knew and know, that despite his faults and short-comings, he loves the children. Maybe not how you or I think he should, but with what he has. And even with moving away last year, we are still reasonably close. And I don't fight him when he wants to see the children. Even when they do not want to go, I encourage them to go, and sadly, sometimes "make" them go. (Once even when they were literally kicking and screaming and fighting it.) Every visit that the court says he gets and every visit he asks for, they go. And so far, thankfully, each time they come home safe and happy and they even say they enjoyed themselves for the majority of the time.
And now, it is time for them to spend the entire summer, minus only 2 weeks, with their dad. It is going to be one long, hard summer for me. I miss them so much when they are away. But...sometimes that's what we have to do as parents. Let things be a little more difficult for ourselves so that our children can grow up and make decisions and have feelings from their own time and experiences. Not from what someone else (including me) has said, or from some childhood memory that may or may not be completely accurate. But from what they learn and experience for themselves, in person. People change every day. And you can't base how you feel today on something that happened a day ago, a week ago, a year or even several years ago. Yes, we do need to protect our children, but we also need to give them an opportunity to decide for themselves. As painful as it is going to be for me, I have to let them go. And so I will. With a hug and a kiss and the promise that I will always be with them, no matter what, even if it is only in their hearts. And so another summer begins...
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
These are the voyages...
As I said a few days ago; Darren and I went to see Star Trek. It was really good. I don't know if it will win any awards or anything. It was just a plain "good" movie. It's PG-13 and I'm not quite sure why. I am usually very, very, very picky about what my kids watch. I freaked out when Patrick was in kindergarten and the teacher showed Ice Age (rated PG). I hadn't seen it yet and I about popped a vein when he told me they watched it. (The parents had only been told that the kids were going to have a "movie day", not what movie was going to be shown). Anyway, the point is; I plan to take Patrick to see Star Trek. And Emi, too, if she wants to go.
Living in Pocatello for so long really spoiled me. If you wanted to go to the movies, you went, bought your ticket, proceeded inside and watched the movie. Usually there were no long lines where you had to wait a tremendous amount of time, and I don't think anything was ever "sold out". So, when we went to see this Star Trek, I was in for an unexpected education. When we got there, there was no line, because, you guessed it, the movie was sold out. Soooo...we went ahead and bought our ticket ahead of time (who knew you could do THAT??) and then had about 45 minutes to kill. We went over to Arby's and got a "regular" and a chocolate mocha shake (didn't know they had those... I REALLY need to get out more often!) Then we went back to the theatre, parked the car, listened to some music and ate our snack.
After the show, we went home to find everything peacefully in tact, just as we'd left it. I have to admit, I was a bit aprehensive. We'd never left all 3 kids home alone for that long. Which ended up being about an hour longer than we had planned due to the "sold out" show. Anyway, the kids did not kill one another and the house wasn't burned down. All in all, I'd have to say it was a pretty good day.
Living in Pocatello for so long really spoiled me. If you wanted to go to the movies, you went, bought your ticket, proceeded inside and watched the movie. Usually there were no long lines where you had to wait a tremendous amount of time, and I don't think anything was ever "sold out". So, when we went to see this Star Trek, I was in for an unexpected education. When we got there, there was no line, because, you guessed it, the movie was sold out. Soooo...we went ahead and bought our ticket ahead of time (who knew you could do THAT??) and then had about 45 minutes to kill. We went over to Arby's and got a "regular" and a chocolate mocha shake (didn't know they had those... I REALLY need to get out more often!) Then we went back to the theatre, parked the car, listened to some music and ate our snack.
After the show, we went home to find everything peacefully in tact, just as we'd left it. I have to admit, I was a bit aprehensive. We'd never left all 3 kids home alone for that long. Which ended up being about an hour longer than we had planned due to the "sold out" show. Anyway, the kids did not kill one another and the house wasn't burned down. All in all, I'd have to say it was a pretty good day.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Memories from Childhood
My Aunt Louise used to sing this song during weekend jam sessions. She, my Uncle Bob, Uncle Jim, Uncle Ken and later, my cousin Kenny, played nearly every weekend for as long back as I can remember until...
I've always loved this song. She sang it so beautifully. I think it is appropriate for today...
Enjoy a memory with me.
You've said that nobody cares where you're going
And that your life don't mean nothing at all
You've heard the saying 'you reap what you sow'
So plant a good seed and watch it grow tall
Somewhere a man got no woman to turn to
Somewhere a woman is lonely and blue
Somewhere a child's got no momma to hold her
Someone is looking for someone like you
You've said there's no road that you care to travel
Nothing to say that ain't been said before
And lies a mystery that you can't unravel
Well that's the key that will open that door
Somewhere a man got no woman to turn to
Somewhere a woman is lonely and blue
Somewhere a child's got no momma to hold her
Someone is looking for someone like you
Think of all the time you waste complaining
Think of all the good that could be done
Think of all the friends you could be gaining
If you lift your hand and help someone
Somewhere a man got no woman to turn to
Somewhere a woman is lonely and blue
Somewhere a child's got no momma to hold her
Someone is looking for someone like you
Somewhere a man got no woman to turn to
Somewhere a woman is lonely and blue
Somewhere a child's got no momma to hold her
Someone is looking for someone like you
I've always loved this song. She sang it so beautifully. I think it is appropriate for today...
Enjoy a memory with me.
You've said that nobody cares where you're going
And that your life don't mean nothing at all
You've heard the saying 'you reap what you sow'
So plant a good seed and watch it grow tall
Somewhere a man got no woman to turn to
Somewhere a woman is lonely and blue
Somewhere a child's got no momma to hold her
Someone is looking for someone like you
You've said there's no road that you care to travel
Nothing to say that ain't been said before
And lies a mystery that you can't unravel
Well that's the key that will open that door
Somewhere a man got no woman to turn to
Somewhere a woman is lonely and blue
Somewhere a child's got no momma to hold her
Someone is looking for someone like you
Think of all the time you waste complaining
Think of all the good that could be done
Think of all the friends you could be gaining
If you lift your hand and help someone
Somewhere a man got no woman to turn to
Somewhere a woman is lonely and blue
Somewhere a child's got no momma to hold her
Someone is looking for someone like you
Somewhere a man got no woman to turn to
Somewhere a woman is lonely and blue
Somewhere a child's got no momma to hold her
Someone is looking for someone like you
Mother's Day and stuff
This post will start with events from Friday, May 8th.
While at work I received the following surprise gift from a dear sweet friend. The biggest surprise is that it was delivered to my work. I'd never received such a lovely gift - most especially for Mother's Day.
Next, when I got home, there was a box waiting for me. Inside was this,
from my most wonderful, sweet, firstborn niece. She is the best!
After that, my husband came in and said, "Did you see what I got you?" And this
was sitting on the piano.
Friday was a very sweet-smelling day! :) I am feeling very happy.
I decided that on Saturday I'd have Darren's family over for a surprise birthday party for him. He's been feeling badly for the last several weeks. Today (May 10) is the first anniversary of his mom's death. With it being on Mother's Day, makes it just that much harder. Anyway, I decided a family bbq might help everyone feel a little bit better. So, that's what we did. I didn't get to visit much, because, true to my royal lineage (The Queen of Procrastination) I didn't have everything ready when everyone began to arrive. I ended up spending most of my time still in the kitchen while the festivities commenced. :) (I'm not complaining, mind you, just providing that information.)
Anyway, it seems everyone had a nice time. The food was good and the visit was nice. It was our first time really having "company" over. I only got 1 picture. (again - being inside and all) but I think Darren got a few from later in the day. I'll see if I can find them and post them.
So, now on to today. I was awakened at about 8am. My oldest son, Patrick, brought me breakfast in bed. He had made some toast and a scrambled egg. He also cut up a banana and put maraschino cherries, maraschino cherry juice, chocolate sauce & caramel syrup on top. (yummy??) Emi made me a couple of coupons to do sweet things for me and a little card.
We, the kids and I, went to church together. All in all, it was a pleasant morning.
Later today, Darren is going to take me to see the new Star Trek movie. Well, actually, he is more "going with me" than taking me. I told him when I very first saw the trailer that I was going, with or without him, so.... ;0)
To all the dear Mothers out there - I wish you a day where you are truly shown how much you are appreciated for all the mothering you do.
While at work I received the following surprise gift from a dear sweet friend. The biggest surprise is that it was delivered to my work. I'd never received such a lovely gift - most especially for Mother's Day.
Next, when I got home, there was a box waiting for me. Inside was this,
from my most wonderful, sweet, firstborn niece. She is the best!
After that, my husband came in and said, "Did you see what I got you?" And this
was sitting on the piano.
Friday was a very sweet-smelling day! :) I am feeling very happy.
I decided that on Saturday I'd have Darren's family over for a surprise birthday party for him. He's been feeling badly for the last several weeks. Today (May 10) is the first anniversary of his mom's death. With it being on Mother's Day, makes it just that much harder. Anyway, I decided a family bbq might help everyone feel a little bit better. So, that's what we did. I didn't get to visit much, because, true to my royal lineage (The Queen of Procrastination) I didn't have everything ready when everyone began to arrive. I ended up spending most of my time still in the kitchen while the festivities commenced. :) (I'm not complaining, mind you, just providing that information.)
Anyway, it seems everyone had a nice time. The food was good and the visit was nice. It was our first time really having "company" over. I only got 1 picture. (again - being inside and all) but I think Darren got a few from later in the day. I'll see if I can find them and post them.
So, now on to today. I was awakened at about 8am. My oldest son, Patrick, brought me breakfast in bed. He had made some toast and a scrambled egg. He also cut up a banana and put maraschino cherries, maraschino cherry juice, chocolate sauce & caramel syrup on top. (yummy??) Emi made me a couple of coupons to do sweet things for me and a little card.
We, the kids and I, went to church together. All in all, it was a pleasant morning.
Later today, Darren is going to take me to see the new Star Trek movie. Well, actually, he is more "going with me" than taking me. I told him when I very first saw the trailer that I was going, with or without him, so.... ;0)
To all the dear Mothers out there - I wish you a day where you are truly shown how much you are appreciated for all the mothering you do.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Technology
So...
I just wanted to take a quick minute to confound you all with my own personal contradictions.
I am not a huge fan of all this modern technology. I don't want my phone to play music, I want it to have a signal where-ever I am at. When I listen to music I have a radio, cd player, mp3 player, tape deck and yes, even a record player. To me, a phone is a phone. As for the internet, I love that I can chat and send e-mail, check my bank balance and all those other "convenience" things. But, you won't find me on E-Bay or Amazon or any other site buying stuff. I prefer to go to the store where I can actually touch and feel and look at what I am considering purchasing. When I book a flight, which I am finding myself doing more of than I EVER thought I would, I go online, check everything out, then call and make my reservation with a LIVE person, just so I know everything is correct. I get frustrated and, to be honest, a little angry, when I have to wait threw 15 minutes of recorded "self help" options to find out I need to "press 8 for a customer service representative". I prefer to use cash and / or checks to make purchases. I avoid stores that require me to use a debit card rather than my checkbook. I think children should play outside, with toys or their imaginations. I think things like xBox, PSP, Gamecube and the like should all be "special treats" especially for children. I think boys should call girls. I think girls should be ladies and boys, gentlemen. I think children should be taught manners and everyone should use them.
The point of the story is this. Although in most ways I am still a fan of the "old school" ways, I am quite thankful for the technology that help you "find people". There is someone who was imensly special in my life. Sometime during my senior year, we completely lost track of eachother. I had tried, several times, over the years to track this person down, even had a general idea of where they might be, but was never able to make contact.
Just a few days ago I'd gotten a spam mail from Classmates.com. Usually I just delete them, but this time I went ahead and clicked on the link. Guess what! The person I'd been looking for had been looking for me, too! I had a very basic profile on classmates. I don't have a paid membership (remember the part where I don't pay for stuff online? ha ha) , but was able to read the message. We have "made contact". I am very happy about that. I have had the questions answered that have been in my head all these years. I have found an old friend and, I hope, made a new one, too.
I am still an "old school" girl. I don't see myself changing much, but, I guess technology isn't so bad, after all...
I just wanted to take a quick minute to confound you all with my own personal contradictions.
I am not a huge fan of all this modern technology. I don't want my phone to play music, I want it to have a signal where-ever I am at. When I listen to music I have a radio, cd player, mp3 player, tape deck and yes, even a record player. To me, a phone is a phone. As for the internet, I love that I can chat and send e-mail, check my bank balance and all those other "convenience" things. But, you won't find me on E-Bay or Amazon or any other site buying stuff. I prefer to go to the store where I can actually touch and feel and look at what I am considering purchasing. When I book a flight, which I am finding myself doing more of than I EVER thought I would, I go online, check everything out, then call and make my reservation with a LIVE person, just so I know everything is correct. I get frustrated and, to be honest, a little angry, when I have to wait threw 15 minutes of recorded "self help" options to find out I need to "press 8 for a customer service representative". I prefer to use cash and / or checks to make purchases. I avoid stores that require me to use a debit card rather than my checkbook. I think children should play outside, with toys or their imaginations. I think things like xBox, PSP, Gamecube and the like should all be "special treats" especially for children. I think boys should call girls. I think girls should be ladies and boys, gentlemen. I think children should be taught manners and everyone should use them.
The point of the story is this. Although in most ways I am still a fan of the "old school" ways, I am quite thankful for the technology that help you "find people". There is someone who was imensly special in my life. Sometime during my senior year, we completely lost track of eachother. I had tried, several times, over the years to track this person down, even had a general idea of where they might be, but was never able to make contact.
Just a few days ago I'd gotten a spam mail from Classmates.com. Usually I just delete them, but this time I went ahead and clicked on the link. Guess what! The person I'd been looking for had been looking for me, too! I had a very basic profile on classmates. I don't have a paid membership (remember the part where I don't pay for stuff online? ha ha) , but was able to read the message. We have "made contact". I am very happy about that. I have had the questions answered that have been in my head all these years. I have found an old friend and, I hope, made a new one, too.
I am still an "old school" girl. I don't see myself changing much, but, I guess technology isn't so bad, after all...
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